Utah lawmakers killed two more (out of five) gay-rights bills. For the naive and quaint who think elected people serve at the pleasure of their constituents – grow the fuck. The fucking Mormon theocracy have their eternal souls to save and will never, never, NEVER willingly come to the table in the spirit of dialogue and communication. One gay right could mean gay marriage, and their god of tithing evidently can’t handle dick-to-dick relationships. Mormonism is about being a dick. Their “debates” are all political posing.
The only way they’ll willingly come to the table is when the lawsuits start piling up.
Boycott Utah? There are active bloggers and GLBT groups who’ve already started a general boycott on all-that-is-Mormon or Catholic because of Prop 8. That anyone would be surprised is beyond me. Hello? You don’t piss off the drag queens and lesbians. Common sense, people. I have no issue with going for (boycotting or publicly humiliating) the individuals and businesses who did give to Prop 8: Priceline, Dell computer exec, etc. While Bill Marriot did not donate to Prop 8, the moral giant came out with his own accolades of what a great guy he is and how sensitive he is to diversity. Bill Marriott is a good Mormon and pays tithing. I can’t in good conscience support his hotel empire, knowing my super-homo monies trickle into Mormon coffers – even if Mr. Marriott so considerately has started including gay porn in select locations. Mr. Marriott – I’m sorry, but you’re on the bigot bus. Let us (the GLBT) community know when you’re done on that ride? Kthxbai.
I’m not an advocate of boycotting Utah. Yes, the Sundance folks need to come out strongly in support of human rights for all or they can see their venue dry up like a condom left in the sunlight. Yes, the skiing is great in Utah, but if Colorado was smart, they’d leverage the charges of Utah bigotry and make some big, gay, ski bunny money. Suddenly, I wish I had a marketing background, but I digress.
But boycott all of Utah? No. Not even in my rage against the fucktards that are Mormon would I advocate such a stance. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – go for the misguided bigots that donated directly, and go for the businesses they represent. But leave the innocents and guiltless of Utah alone. The non-Mormon folks living in Utah are the only rays of sunshine the whole goddamn state ever experiences.
Let’s pretend for a moment that you could boycott a state? Which one would you choose, and why? Sorry – Utah is hypothetically chosen, at least until Mormonism has a revelation on the sacred institution of man to man peen worship. My bush is burning. I have to go now.
The trip was eventful, memorable, and relaxing. I drank more in several days than the last few months combined. As I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, there are limits on the things that can be done when returning home. (Yes folks, you heard me say it – I do consider Utah my home – one of them, any way.) It’s impossible to see everyone, whether they are friends or family or both. It’s frustrating for everyone but that’s the reality. The times I’ve come in “under the radar” are for very specific reasons, and I’ll leave it at that in case anyone makes me responsible for their one feeling getting run over.
Julz’ wedding was beautiful. There was a thunderstorm earlier in the day, but as Utah weather goes, it blew in and out quickly. The officiate was eloquent and I love how she informed those in attendance how Julz and Bill met and how they came to know and love one another. Call me a sucker for guys crying, but seeing how Bill openly loved Julz really moved me. They both looked splendid – glowing – alive. Once the ceremony was over,there was time for photographs, meeting people, talking, excellent food, alcohol, more alcohol, dancing, more dancing, more alcohol, more dancing. Somewhere in the evening I gave a toast to the lovely couple. The toast went something like this:
“Hi everyone, I’m Don, Julie’s gentleman of honor, not her bridesmaid, because I’m not wearing a dress, so get over it. I met Bill 20 months ago at a New Years Eve party, and since then I’ve had the chance to get to know him and his wonderful family. I’ve known Julie since the early 90’s when we worked and went to school together at Westminster and travelled to Greece and drank lots and lots of wine together. (And I realize now that I neglected to mention her own wonderful family, specifically her mother and sister, Kim. No idea how I segued into it, but… then I said…) There are families that we’re born to. There are friends that we choose into our lives. What is magical is when the friends we choose become family, which is what Julie and Bill are to me.”
Don at ceremony
Fantastic public speaker I’m not, but I got a few points for poise, a hot tux, and a receptive (alcohol enhanced) audience.
When I lived in Utah, I loved Pioneer Day (July 24th) because I could always be sure the Mormon Mafia would spend more money on the fireworks display than on the 4th of July display – there’s patriotism for ya. With Mormons, image (and size!) is everything – which explains their corporate headquarters on the horizon of the Wasatch Front – a giant phallus that screams out “You’re going to get screwed hard.” The other reason I loved the day was because it was a state-wide holiday. Utah: the only state of the union that takes time off to celebrate Mormon polygamists’ entrance to the Salt Lake Valley. I saw the annual parade a few times with an on-again off-again boyfriend. Looking back, the other reason I loved the holiday was the gathering of vendors and booths in Liberty Park and the plethora of hot men. Sorry – I’m getting my hot-men moments mixed up.
The last several years, I’ve enjoyed Pioneer Day in other ways. A group of former Mormon folks gather at the Hotel Utah Saloon in the SOMA (south of Market) area of San Francisco and have an evening of drinks drinks and more drinks. How I celebrate is going to Walnut Creek and taking the BART into SF and walking the 10+ blocks to the saloon. The ride is a great, since I can listen to my mp3 player and write, plus I don’t have to deal with toll or traffic into SF. When I arrive, I’ll order a drink and some food and meet with lovely folks with whom I’ve become rather fond.
One year, Jerry the Aspousestate and his wife, Cheryl had created “Wanted Dead or Alive” posters of Warren Jeffs, back when he was on the run. I won the door-prize, which was a mixing bowl and very old box of green Jello. This year, other folks (the Banta family) will have a giant poster of the Joseph Smith Sphinx sculpture. Personally, I was hoping for something along the lines of “Mormon Men Going Wild.” Most years I’m pretty toasty by the time I get back to the BART station, but I’m sobered up nicely by the time the train gets to my stop in Walnut Creek.
I’m all for any form of Mormonism as long as there is alcohol, sex, masturbation, more alcohol, more sex, more masturbation, and Jello involved (though not necessarily at the same time).
The FLDS reports of sexual abuse and underage, arranged marriages is all over the internets and mainstream media. For Mormons to try and distance themselves from polygamy is ludicrous. Their founding fathers were polygamists, secretly and openly: Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. Utah couldn’t become a State unless it ceased the practice of polygamy, then the then prophet/president and his ‘hood continued the practice for decades after their backed-into-a-corner proclamation and revised doctrine.
Some are gonna say I’m confusing apples and oranges, that the FLDS and Mormons are not the same. Hello? Mormon men secretly continued to dick around with women, other men’s wives, and under-age girls during the years following that “proclamation” in the late 1800’s. The FLDS broke off and went to play in their own sandbox in southern Utah. The FLDS at least have been honest about their beliefs and practices.
Mormons practice “spiritual” polygamy. This doctrine has never changed. The practice allows living men to be sealed to more than one wife in the hereafter. My scum-sucking insurance salesman of an uncle (have I mentioned the level of loathing I feel for this man?) was sealed in the Mormon temple to his second wife, just months after my aunt had passed away from cancer. In the Mormon afterlife when they are all dead, he’ll get to stand in his own personal Heaven behind the veil and call their secret names so that they (aunt/wife #1 and new wife #2) can be his mothers-in-heaven and spend the rest of eternity poppin’ out his spirit children. ‘Scuse me, but what part of “that’s fucked up” doesn’t anyone get? No wonder the Mormon church pushed so hard against the ERA amendment, it’s a fucking man’s club, minus the alcohol.
Mormons can run from their heritage and secret tenets, but they can’t hide, not even in god-forsaken Texas. They were and always have been polygamists, here on earth or in their hereafter.
Pay attention. Polygamy is a lifestyle. Abusing, raping, and marrying underage girls is a crime – may the offenders be castrated first and then shot in each head (little one, then the big one). Sexuality is NOT a lifestyle, nor a crime. The next time someone uses sexuality and the word “lifestyle” in the same sentence, remember: one can CHOOSE to have more than one spouse (lifestyle), but gay/straight/bi/confused is a state of BEING (sexuality). Thou shalt not confuse the two, or thou shalt be struck down with a big floppy double-headed dildo.
Poor Mitt. Boo Fucking Hoo. He was THAT close, yet so far.
Let us pray.
Thank you, O Lord, for the fine entertainment we have been blessed with this political season. What a strange and marvelous roller-coaster ride of excitement that was so much like fear, like watching the constitution dangling above our heads by one very thin thread! We ask thee (again – pretty please, with sweet kisses on top) that one day Mormonism will be relevant, that the heathens and gentiles living outside the Zion Curtain will look at them with envy instead of that funny cock of their head and sideways sneer (that’s my reaction most days, anyway).
We ask that next time one of those peculiar people run for President, that we selflessly support that nominee instead of being duped by the more convincing performance of Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars. While she left with a silver or bronze equivalent, poor Mitt never even made it to the finals. We beg your forgiveness for those lazy bastards who spent more time in seminary or re-memorizing their Doubleday Book of Mormon instead of being more diligent and organized with their ward directories and email lists of pollsters and internet votes!
Finally, we thank you, O Lord, for the Mormons and their opportunity to turn every tragedy into another self-fulfilling prophecy of martyrdom and persecution.
Oh Mitt? Next time you want to run for any office claiming you’re “more pro-gay than Ted Kennedy” and then flip-flop-triple-back-flip into your homophobic religion? Know that us bitches have long memories – much longer than that defeat you’re sucking on right about now. Choke, spit or swallow – I don’t care.
The Morg should have taken lessons from the Catholic Church, which got their fiscal ass munched with the sexual abuse scandals.
Now, the Morg (and the Boy Scouts of America) is about to see the start of lawsuits and settlements when they hid predators and sexual abusers instead of going to the authorities. The days of blaming the victims are hopefully over.
May the Morg’s pandering and hypocrisy cost them dearly.
When people find out I’m from Utah, I invariably get asked the “oh, are you Mormon?” question. I always get asked at regional and national conferences.
Given that tone of voice is everything, these are some of the things I’ve been known to say:
“Do I LOOK like a fucking Mormon?”
“My entire family is Mormon, but I still love them.”
“They dunked me at eight, but it didn’t take.”
“I had to give it up for coffee, alcohol, and guilt-free sex.”
“Moron? Who are you calling a moron?”
“No, but my 15 wives are.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I have higher standards.”
If you’re from Utah, what are some of the things that you say to folks? Can you think of others that I could use in the future?
Posted by sideon 
Posted by sideon 
Posted by sideon 
