Talk Thursday: My Process

When I do readings, I’m reading the present.  What is.  I’m not interested in reading a moving target that changes every second of our conscious lives.  I’m interested in the light and shadow play of today, the shapes and expressions which describe the mosaic of their past that hint (or state calmly or shriek loudly) of their possible future.  I’m interested in the metaphorical manifestation of who they are in that moment.  I don’t want to know their issue up front – the cards will mirror them perfectly.

The cards I like working with the most are wrapped in silk and stay in “the bag,” which is a velor embroidered cloth bag.  Inside the same bag, I keep the runes in their own smaller pouch that is tied with a silk ribbon.  My process, when I read cards, stays fairly consistent but the smaller details can and will change:  the querent shuffles until they feel they’re ready, they will cut the deck with their non-dominant hand, and I will ask them to focus on a specific image or state of being while they pull each representative card and leave it face down.  The things that change are invariably the number of cards they’ll pull, which will depend on the kind of reading we’re doing:  body/mind/spirit, chakra spread, Celtic Cross, strengths/equilibrium/challenges, or simply one card only.  Each person is different, each reading is slightly different.

When I’m working with runes, I like to have the querent remove all the runes from the bag and then count them back into the bag.  Call it metaphysical OCD, but there should be twenty-five runes – no more, no less.  The exercise also puts their touch into every rune. I ask that they focus on themselves, on where they are in their life, on their career or love or family or whatever issue they’re most interested in examining.  In the end, they will draw one to three runes and we’ll read passages of a small rune volume and talk through the metaphor of their moment.

Reading isn’t about divination.  It’s not about cards up my sleeve or knowing their “stuff” before I lay out the cards.  It’s not about tuning into the universe and having knowledge outside of myself.  Reading is about ritual and listening and honoring the space that the querent is sharing, because they’re willingly looking at their light and shadow.  It’s not my job to play judge and jury.  It’s my job to remind them of the passages in their own life’s work.

My process for myself is a little easier.  Abridged.  A much more shortened version.  With runes (after removing all and counting them back into the bag) I’ll draw only one and share a brief example of what it means to me.  When I read cards, I’ll shuffle and fan them face down in front of me and then I’ll draw one to three cards.  The querent was brave enough to walk their shadow, I figure fair is fair to walk my own.  We know our own proverbial demons but we all like to forget them once in a while.

Oracles of early 2009

In what seemed like other lifetimes, but were as recent as a few years ago, my practice on January 1st, or as near as possible to the “day” passing into New Year’s Day, was to get out the tarot cards and/or runestones and do reading.  Some years may have involved greater quantities of alcohol than others, such as the years of my young adulthood with a group of close friends at a cabin in southern Utah.  Some years I’d use a regular deck of cards and read, gypsy-style.  Other years I waited for quiet time when I could be alone and I could wrap the present around me like a comfortable afghan and be at peace with the past behind me and the unknown ahead.  This year I drew cards on the 17th and have let the messages settle, because I didn’t “get it” until today, talking on the phone with dear friends.  More on meaning of meaning later…

From three similarly styled decks of the Thoth heritage (as opposed to the Rider-Wait heritage), I drew:

(challenge) 10 of Fire/Wands/Clubs
(strength) 10 of Earth/Pentacles/Disks
(conscious perception) Aeon

My query to the universe was to look beyond last year’s angst of career and work issues and get to what matters to the true and pure parts of me:  writing and connecting.  Ten of Fire is about self-oppression – holding back my own power.  Ten of Earth is about manifesting abundance through communication (I haz writing skillz?) and organizational (I haz a desk here somewherez) skills.  Aeon/Judgement (SELF judgement) is the archeytpe for broad perspectives, historical cycles, and being able to forgive ourselves for what we are doing or NOT doing in our lives.

“It is only when we actually try to see beyond ourselves that we begin to use the oracles as a mirror of the cosmos and all of its wisdom.” – Brian Froud and Jessica Macbeth, from “The Faerie’s Oracle.”

Meaning of meanings?  I made a deal today and I have until Sunday to follow through with my word.  Stay tuned to me stepping up, or being in the same holding pattern for decades now.

Aeon, or something like it

A New Year

We packed away the holiday regalia. Scott worked a portion of the day while I did laundry and played domestic god. I treated myself to a massage in the afternoon and had a delicious nap on the sectional with Scott.

Sometime during the day, I talked to Julz on the phone and we talked about doing a reading – an annual ritual that I’m challenged with keeping. I have many tarot decks in many different styles and flavors, and some I’ve never used or even opened. The deck that I wanted to use is called the “Faeries Oracle,” created by Brian Froud. Initially, I worried that the deck was too whimsical and light, but the content convinced me that it is quite substantial, and the artwork is enticing and enchanting (no pun intended). The card I pulled for myself for 2008’s theme was: He of the Fiery Sword.

The gist: there is (or is a need for) ‘clear and focused will and a determination to carry through on decisions, even if much effort is required.’ The admonition is to be aware of how that strength or will and their expression may be enhanced or improved in order to ‘burst the bonds of an outgrown way of being and move on to the next level.’

I did another reading with the major arcana cards of a set that Christopher Butler sent me. I pulled one card only to validate the theme for 2008, and what I pulled was Death/Rebirth. I admit, the first moment of reading the card made me want to put the card away and reshuffle, because death in any shape/form is something I have a hard time dealing with. The archetype makes complete sense, though. The meaning of Death in 2008 is simple: this represents my capacity to change and transform at deep levels. It is an active process of letting go of old patterns in able to experience and express new parts of myself. (But if I do die in 2008, then you read it here first, and know that I’ll be having LONG discussions with baby Jeebus.)

Two card readings, and one meaning: work will be very different in 2008. It IS official, by the way – a certain person has retired and their last day was today. Tomorrow, when I go to work, will be a new day – unlike any that I’ve had in the 8.5 years I’ve been there.

The Hanged Man

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

One Summer Circle

Our group planned an overnight trip to a place about an hour outside of Salt Lake City. We caravanned, several cars following David and Jimmy, with flags or scarves tied to the antennae of each vehicle. By the time we arrived, the wind had frayed the edges of my silk scarf, but I wore it around my waist or as a headband for the weekend.

Jimmy chose a campsite that was less than half a mile below a dam. We spent the afternoon setting up tents and preparing dinner. David built a fire pit and we all helped collect fallen wood for the night’s fire. This would be my first drumming circle. Tonight, at the summer’s height, we would be outside in a place that had elements of wind, water, fire and the strong canyon walls surrounding us. There were seven of us: Moonfire (David), Fuku (Jimmy), HapyHapy (Jason), Dyal (Thomas, who I always called “Sunshine”), two others, and myself (Kerris).

Me, being night blind, stumbled after Dyal as we gathered in a circle around Moonfire and the crackling fire, each of us sitting and getting comfortable on a blanket. The slight wind in the trees fanned the fire, splashing reds, oranges and yellows across the faces around me.

Moonfire cast the Circle. He explained our purpose, how he would drum and take us on a spirit journey into and through the fire. On “the other side,” we would meet our spirit guide, our totem. He encouraged us to sit and stare into the fire, or to lay back and listen and be guided by his voice. I lay down, staring upwards, my feet pointing away from the fire. I remember the smell of smoke and sage and the sound of the fire behind Moonfire’s cadence. I remember the darkness and how the stars seemed so close and clear.

I could hear my heart beat and gradually became aware of drumming. The drum beats anchored us as we floated in this night’s ocean. Moonfire’s voice gave us our bearings: tomorrows far to the east, yesterdays far to the west, and the north and south expanses wrapping us in ribbons of here and now.

Moonfire’s voice guided us into and through the fire. I don’t know what I expected, but I walked into daytime and into the same campsite, except I was the only one there, standing on a blanket in front of the fire. Moonfire’s voice seemed from far away. He said to be patient, that our guide would show themselves in time. Relax and let them come.

I sat and looked around, watching the trees for any signs of movement. I thought about wolves, owls, and panthers and my mind wandered to thoughts of dragonflies, butterflies, and hummingbirds. My heart beat with the drum. After a time I heard Moonfire say “Your guide is there.” I searched for movement in the trees and bushes or in the air, but there was nothing except the flames of the camp fire.

The fire, shaped like a man with golden eyes.

He wasn’t what I had expected, either.

(12/18/06: 6th paragraph edited for missing “us” in the first sentence, and shortened for clarity)

Evening appointment: readings

Tonight I’m heading over the hill for a tarot and runestone reading.

I’m biting the bullet here, since it’s been ages that I’ve pulled any cards or stones out, and the other reason to go to someone is because I want unbiased. It’s way too easy to do my own reading and say “uh-huh,” “oh, yes,” and “yep.” I can look in the mirror and know exactly what is going on. A stranger, on the other hand, has the benefit of being able to say anything to you without reservation. I’m not looking for answers. The reading is for a “check in” and for a validation of where I am. That’s how I do readings, and that’s my expectation when I get readings done for me.

I’ll update later tonight, after the reading and after the gym. Mwah.

*update*

Alex is a nice guy and he did basic readings. He never asked if I knew tarot, only if I had had readings before – I wanted to see if he’d give me a white-wash or not. The readings weren’t complicated nor indepth. His reading made me look like Pollyanna. Yes, I’m being purposefully vague.

Alex used the Rider-Waite deck and the Celtic Cross layout – I didn’t have a specific question, only intention. We pulled six runes for two questions I had regarding writing (as a career and regarding emotional satisfaction). The positive aspects he listed is that life is good, creativity abounds, relationships are strong, and work is changing for the better. The potential negative is change in career/jobs which results in feeling boxed in more than I am now. Another potential negative is cutting off, ending, or getting rid of things that may still be of value (up to and including friendships that don’t work any more).

None of this is new or surprising to me. As I said – I wanted a reading to check-in with the universe and validate where I am. For the record, I don’t believe tarot or any form of “divination” tells the future – I believe they are tools to verify where someone is at that moment. It’s a roadmap, so to speak, showing where you are on Life’s road.

What Makes Me Happy

SML’s suggestion on LA’s blog is the inspiration for this entry.

Intellectually, I know that happiness comes from within – it took many years for me to appreciate (let alone like or love) myself (I give folks the opportunity of years to decide if they dig me or not *grin*).

Emotionally, I realize that moments, things, stuff, or other people can motivate or evoke reactions of bliss, giddiness or joy. With that said, here’s my incomplete and always-changing list of things that make me happy. (No rhyme or reason, just train of thought – refrain from train wreck comments, please.)

• Scott’s smile and the way he looks at me.
• Parentheticals.
• Snuggling.
• White-sand beaches. Lakes, oceans, rivers.
• ID Glide, Wet, or Elbow Grease (translation: lube)
• Wind storms. The smell of rain. Lightning.
• My baby blanket (Woobie).
• Music: 70’s, 80’s, 90’s (disco, “new wave alternative,” rock, pop, trance, techno)
• Annie Lennox.
• Song quotes.
• Republican scandals (this Mark Foley situation is delicious).
• Puns. Metaphors. Archetypes.
• Tarot. Runes. Astrology.
• Walks, whether rain or shine, with Midas and Scott.
• Saturn curling up in the folds of my robe.
• Writing. Blogging. Email (the “increase your penis size” spam still cracks me up).
• Drinking and dancing, or just dancing, no matter how goofy or silly I feel or look.
• Vodka, tequila, beer, wine, sangria and schnapps.
• Fresh chocolate chip cookies.
• The smell of cedar, pine, and sage.
• Massage, preferably from straight male therapists. I’m not sexist or homophobic – just particular. As TLC would say, ‘my body, my choices.’
• Calvin Klein, 2Xist, or AF underwear models.
• Sex toys, porn and/or masturbation… discussions.
• Snowglobes.
• Crystals and stones: moldovite, sapphires, obsidian, amethyst, and rose quartz.
• Games: board, card, console, RPG or PC (translation: geek)
• Scott’s cooking (cf Lemon-Thyme Chicken, blue cheese bbq filet, and spaghetti)
• Food: Italian, Indian, Bohemian, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.
• Movies: Young Frankenstein, Lord of the Rings, Labyrinth, Highlander
• Fiction: Anything by James Clemens (thrillers) or James Rollins (fantasy)
• Hairy chests. Buffed calves. Butts. Abs. Biceps. (insert silly grin, here)
• Randomness. Chaos. Chance.

What makes YOU happy?

Belated (mini) Reading

Each New Year and birthday, I usually do a reading. Usually. This year I let things slide, put it off, put it off a little longer, then finally had a little mini reading this morning. Yesterday was not so much hell at work (boss, idiot, status quo, was, rinse, repeat) as it was the realization (and grudging acceptance) that there are things that I just can’t change. For some reason, that silly little lesson eludes me. I went to bed late, tossed and turned much of the night, had work-related dreams, and I woke up much earlier than I usually do and didn’t go back to sleep. This morning I was the walking definition of ugly (I looked like Cheney, with hair).

I had a pouch of stones lying at the end of the bed in the front bedroom. Scott had given them to me the night before. They were stones made from terra cotta tile, each bearing one word of affirmation and/or meditation. The idea is to pull a stone and reflect, ponder, and learn more about yourself in relation to the issue that you’re drawing for. The golden rule of readings is that you be open and clear when you draw. I was in a total pisser. I hadn’t even had coffee yet. I thought to myself that I would pull something quickly for the year ahead and then go to work. I reached in my hand, felt through some of the stones, and pulled out just one.

I drew “abundance.”

There was a moment when I felt the world stop for a moment. It was a slow-motion feeling that was gone way too fast to register, like getting socked in the gut – the fist is gone by the time you realize you can’t breathe. Okay, so that didn’t happen quite that dramatically.

What I felt was an immediate sense of being an even bigger bona fide, petty, snarling, grudging, bastard.

How could I dare to be unhappy about a job, any job? How could I not see the wonderful abundance in my life? Why was I focusing on the temporal and ultimately irrelevant personalities at work, focusing on the things that I can’t change now or ever? Why do I challenge the status quo when I’m so vehemently (and hypocritically) opposed to change in my own life (“change is good, you go first” kind of motto)? Why was I wasting energy, yet again, spinning myself into a berserk frenzy?

I’ll do a proper reading. I will. Soon. For now, for whatever reason, I needed my own bitch-slap by the universe to slow down, acknowledge and appreciate the many Many MANY wonderful things in my life. I have: the sweetest partner, dear friends, extended families, and wonderful pets. There is abundance in my life. I need to look, listen, and appreciate, but before that, I just need to shut the hell up and get over myself for a while.

Tarot: One of Fire (Force)

Tarot of the Spirit by Pamela Eakins, PhD
and artwork by Joyce Eakins, MFA

Once a year, sometimes once every few years, I’ll use this specific deck. The times I used this deck mostly are when I lived with Lynski and Jennifer in Salt Lake City. Lynski and I used to call it “the Armageddon Deck” because it was kind of like a spiritual blast of truth that sometimes left a feeling like ground zero – pretty tough stuff for those days when Truth, let alone truth, weren’t high on my list of priorities. Dual readings or solo readings, this deck was intense. This one card from tonight is timely and appropriate. Paraphrased:

An internal energy, a raw and restless awakening. There is a lack of direction, but no lack in power or force. Reactions can range from exhilaration to depressionto feeling like burning up, or to frustration. The direction is not clear, but there is awareness that the Wheel of Fortune is turning. The challenge is learning how to focus. In this expanding universal space, yang is the primal male element of Fire. Direction must turn towards yin, the feminine, the cosmic depths. “A balance of the male and female energies within will allow you to expand and grow with flexibility, creativity and clarity.”

Runestone: Gebo (or Geofu)

From this rune site: “Gifts, both in the sense of sacrifice and of generosity, indicating balance. All matters in relation to exchanges, including contracts, personal relationships and partnerships.”

May I mention the wonderful dinner this evening with Scott?