Talk Thursday: Semi-True Stories

My grandma told the story to my father (he said), who told the story to me when I was growing up.  My grandparents had gone on vacation to Mexico and came home with souvenirs and knick-knacks of their trip, one of the items being a small mirror adorned with bells that was supposedly a charm against evil spirits.  The fact that my rigid, stoic, church-going grandparents had gone to Mexico was more shocking than their penchant for primitive magical beliefs, but my young-adult mind took the story in stride, listening to my dad’s voice and watching how his face changed as he enjoyed spinning the yarns he loved spinning.  I’d heard the story being told to my uncles and cousins at a family party, but I felt lucky that he was telling the story to just me this time.

They hung the charm on the inside door of their bedroom closet.  Over the years they forgot about it.  My dad watched my face as he explained that one hot summer night my grandparents had gone to bed when they heard the sounds of bells shaking softly against their closed closet door.  He must have been satisfied with my expression because he kept going with his tale, saying that my grandpa got out of bed.  The sound of bells stopped, but he opened the closet door and pulled the string to the light switch, but inside, nothing was amiss.  The charm hung calmly on a ribbon on a small nail, the bells silent.

Satisfied, my grandpa shut the door and went back to bed.  They awoke to the sounds of bells again, ringing louder and more vigorously than before.  Grandma got out of bed this time and the sounds stopped before she opened the door.  She pulled the string to the light switch and looked around, and like my grandpa had seen, nothing was amiss.  The charm hung silently against the door.  She shut the door and went back to bed and they both fell asleep.

They both shot out of bed when they heard the sounds of howls and hissing accompanying the sound of bells ringing violently.  My grandpa flipped the light switch and my grandma stood behind him when he threw open the closet door.  A black shape leaped up and over my grandpa’s shoulder, they both screamed, and the black shape of a cat jumped out their bedroom window.  There was a loud crack inside the closet and the sound of bells stopped.  Grandma looked at the charm and the mirror was marred by jagged cracks.  An evil spirit had come and gone.

I didn’t remember the story being told this way and I waited for him to finish.  He was silent for so long I grew impatient and said, “It was just their cat, locked in the closet.”

My dad took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful.  “Son.  They never had a cat.”

Taking Bets

How many days before some lunatic Morgbot baptizes Michael Jackson posthumously as a Mormon?  How many times will he be dead-dunked before it hits the news?

It’s like they’re chronic masturbators – they can’t help themselves (and in no way am I implying that there’s anything wrong with masturbation).

Any takers?

Congratulations to Iowa

News Release
For Immediate Release: April 3, 2008
Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal
House Speaker Pat Murphy

Iowa continues to be a leader in guaranteeing civil rights.

This is a joint statement from Iowa Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal and Iowa House Speaker Pat Murphy on today’s Supreme Court decision:

“Thanks to today’s decision, Iowa continues to be a leader in guaranteeing all of our citizens’ equal rights.

“The court has ruled today that when two Iowans promise to share their lives together, state law will respect that commitment, regardless of whether the couple is gay or straight.

“When all is said and done, we believe the only lasting question about today’s events will be why it took us so long. It is a tough question to answer because treating everyone fairly is really a matter of Iowa common sense and Iowa common decency.

“Today, the Iowa Supreme Court has reaffirmed those Iowa values by ruling that gay and lesbian Iowans have all the same rights and responsibilities of citizenship as any other Iowan.

“Iowa has always been a leader in the area of civil rights.

“In 1839, the Iowa Supreme Court rejected slavery in a decision that found that a slave named Ralph became free when he stepped on Iowa soil, 26 years before the end of the Civil War decided the issue.

“In 1868, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that racially segregated “separate but equal” schools had no place in Iowa, 85 years before the U.S. Supreme Court reached the same decision.

“In 1873, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled against racial discrimination in public accommodations, 91 years before the U.S. Supreme Court reached the same decision.

“In 1869, Iowa became the first state in the union to admit women to the practice of law.

“In the case of recognizing loving relationships between two adults, the Iowa Supreme Court is once again taking a leadership position on civil rights.

“Today, we congratulate the thousands of Iowans who now can express their love for each other and have it recognized by our laws.”

_______

The funny sounds in the background are of Mormon leaders gasping for breath.  May their hearts give out, the hintless fucks.

A Pretty Hate State

Utah lawmakers killed two more (out of five) gay-rights bills.  For the naive and quaint who think elected people serve at the pleasure of their constituents – grow the fuck.  The fucking Mormon theocracy have their eternal souls to save and will never, never, NEVER willingly come to the table in the spirit of dialogue and communication.  One gay right could mean gay marriage, and their god of tithing evidently can’t handle dick-to-dick relationships.  Mormonism is about being a dick.     Their “debates” are all political posing.

The only way they’ll willingly come to the table is when the lawsuits start piling up.

Bring them on.

Donny Osmond

Mr. Donny Osmond, one of the world’s most famous living Mormons, is asked by a fan how he “as a Christian treats your [gay] friends who consider themselves married”.

Donny, sans Marie, had this to say:

“There are many gay individuals that are members of our church. I know many of them. In fact, some of my best friends are gay. You ask how I react regarding their marriages. Well, I do support our Church leaders who say that we can accept those with gay tendencies in our church as long as they do not act upon their temptations. Everyone has tenancies to succumb to temptation, but we all have the same standard given to us by our Father in Heaven. Whether we may be tempted to be immoral with members of our own sex or of the opposite sex, we are expected to live chaste lives. This is very well explained not only in the Book of Mormon, but in the Bible as well.”

Translation:

There are very few out-and-proud gay members in the Mormon church, because anyone with an ounce of self-respect would have left long ago.  Osmond thinks he’s tight with these gay Mormon members – highly implausible.  His best gay Mormon friends probably hate his guts if they read his crap.  Osmond would kill himself if his Church leaders asked him to.  Mormons think being gay is a choice.  Mormons tolerate gay people as long as they are celibate and silent, but will gladly take their tithing money to push their immoral and political endeavors.

Donny Osmond and his abominable, bigotted fans can fuck off and take their purple socks with them.

Mormon Public Relations

From Americablog:

When your biggest negatives are that people think you’re pushy, rich, secretive, weird, and hell-bent on imposing your seemingly-cultish way of life on them, the last thing you should do is use gobs of money to force your views on millions of others. It’s not clear what the Mormons were thinking, but in the process, they may have made a few friends on the religious right – friends who still think the Mormons are a cult, mind you (even the Mormon’s evangelical “allies” have this to say about them, “Our theological differences with Mormonism are, frankly, unbridgeable”) – but they’ve just convinced millions of other Americans that they’re hateful heavy-handed bigots.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  I know that Mormons love any kind of attention but Prop 8 is going to bite them in the ass for a very long time.  This kind of attention is going to be the equivalent of hemorrohoidal public-relations.

May they itch and burn for decades.

Boycott?

Boycott Utah?  There are active bloggers and GLBT groups who’ve already started a general boycott on all-that-is-Mormon or Catholic because of Prop 8.  That anyone would be surprised is beyond me.  Hello?  You don’t piss off the drag queens and lesbians.  Common sense, people.  I have no issue with going for (boycotting or publicly humiliating) the individuals and businesses who did give to Prop 8:  Priceline, Dell computer exec, etc.  While Bill Marriot did not donate to Prop 8, the moral giant came out with his own accolades of what a great guy he is and how sensitive he is to diversity.  Bill Marriott is a good Mormon and pays tithing.  I can’t in good conscience support his hotel empire, knowing my super-homo monies trickle into Mormon coffers – even if Mr. Marriott so considerately has started including gay porn in select locations.  Mr. Marriott – I’m sorry, but you’re on the bigot bus.  Let us (the GLBT) community know when you’re done on that ride?  Kthxbai.

I’m not an advocate of boycotting Utah.  Yes, the Sundance folks need to come out strongly in support of human rights for all or they can see their venue dry up like a condom left in the sunlight.  Yes, the skiing is great in Utah, but if Colorado was smart, they’d leverage the charges of Utah bigotry and make some big, gay, ski bunny money.  Suddenly, I wish I had a marketing background, but I digress.

But boycott all of Utah?  No.  Not even in my rage against the fucktards that are Mormon would I advocate such a stance.  I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – go for the misguided bigots that donated directly, and go for the businesses they represent.  But leave the innocents and guiltless of Utah alone.  The non-Mormon folks living in Utah are the only rays of sunshine the whole goddamn state ever experiences.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you could boycott a state?  Which one would you choose, and why?  Sorry – Utah is hypothetically chosen, at least until Mormonism has a revelation on the sacred institution of man to man peen worship.  My bush is burning.  I have to go now.

Proposition 8 Endorsers: Bigots

Think about these groups or individuals the next time you may be in contact with them.  These are the entities that channeled money into the Proposition 8 campaign.  True, the Mormon church funneled the majority of money into Prop 8 and will never be forgiven for placing religious bigotry into the California state constitution, but let’s not forget any of the other dickless wonders and twat monkeys.

I hope they chafe and bleed every time they fuck their unholy scriptures.  I hope they continue to hemorrhage through social ostracizing and public humiliation.

Organizational Endorsements (aka – Bigots, Inc.)

Active Christian Media
Advocates for Faith and Freedom
Agudath Israel of California
Alliance Defense Fund, serving as Legal Counsel
American Family Association
American Veterans Christian Alliance
Americas Hope
Armineh Chelebian for State Assembly 40th AD
Association of Christian Schools International, Northern and Southern Districts of CA
Bakersfield Republican Assembly
Bethel Baptist Academy
Brethren in Christ Church Pacific Conference
California Catholic Conference of Bishops
California Catholic Women’s Forum
California Family Alliance
California Family Council
Capitol Resource Institute
Catholics at Work
Catholics for Protectmarriage.com
Catholics for the Common Good
Celebration Center, Modesto, CA
Center for Reclaiming America
CFFC-LA
Christians OnDemand
Communities of Western Washington African American Healthy Marriage Initiative
Comunidad Cristiana Internacional Campus Los Angeles
Seasoned Sisters
Bill and Pam Farrel Marriage and Family Communicators
National Organization for Marriage
FHR
Christian Citizenship Council of San Diego
Christian Educators Association International
Christian Examiner Newspaper
Concerned Women for America
Confraternidad Hispaña Bautista de California (Hispanic Southern Baptist Fellowship)
Coral Ridge Ministries
Creation Research of North America
Creation Research of the North Coast
Dobbins/Oregon House Action Committee
Duncan Hunter for 52nd Congressional District
Eagle Forum of California
Eagle Forum of Sacramento
East County Refuge Center
El Camino Christian Fellowship
ElectionForum.org
Evidence for God from Science
Faith2Action
Faith 316
Family Leader Network
Family Research Council
Father Neil W. Seidl Council # 13672
Focus on the Family
Foursquare International
G51 Group
Golden State Association of Christian Schools
Government for the People
Holistic Integrated Services Foundation (HIS), Fullerton
Home Fellowship
Iglesia de la Colina – RCA
Ignite Youth/New Wine Church
Institute for Families and Taxpayers
Jewish New Testament Publications, Inc.
Kerigma Entertainment
Knights of Columbus Council #3052
Knights of Columbus Frances Cabrini Council #8879
Knights of Columbus St. Elizabeth Council #8747, Milpitas
Knights of Columbus St. Michael’s of Marin Council #10530, Novato
Knights of Columbus Council #12887, Roseville
Knights of Columbus Council #11724, Sacramento
Knights of Columbus Orange County
Knights of Columbus San Jose
Knights of Columbus St. Raphael Council #1292, San Rafael
Koinonia Sports & Fitness Assoc.
La Familia Hispana
Legacy Law Foundation
Liberty Counsel
Life After Foster Care
Los Angeles Community Builders Inc
Lydia Gutierrez for State Senate
Marriage and Parenting Students of Christ (MAPS)
Meridian Magazine
Network of Politically Active Christians
North Coast Republican Club
One Heart Foundation
Organized Business Council
Orthodox Union
Pacific Justice Institute
Pastors Rapid Response Team (Pastors in Coalition with ProtectMarriage.com)
Preserve Liberty
Proposition 22 Legal Defense and Education Fund
Public Awareness Ministries
Rancho Bernardo Baptist Church
Rancho Del Rey Church
RelayFast08
Republican Party of Riverside County
Revive Indonesia
Sacramento District Church of the Nazarene
SanDiegoAnglicans.com
Sonoma County Republican Party
Southbay Crossing
St. Mary’s Charismatic Prayer Group
The Center for Teaching the Constitution
The Holy Name Society
The Knights of Columbus, Council 1346, San Mateo, CA
The River Worship Center
The Rock of Roseville
The Western Center for Law & Policy
Traditional Family Coalition
Traditional Values Coalition
Trinity Life Solutions
NorthBay Neonatology Associates, Inc.
Families First Counseling Services
Ebmeyer Charter & Tour
Superior Organizing Services
Ventura County Christian Leadership Council
Come Let Us Reason
Environmental Geology Services
54th AD Republican Central Committee
United Families California
Values Advocacy Council
VOCAL Californians for the Preservation of Family & Marriage
Wycliffe Bible Translators, Temecula

Public Officials (aka, elected Bigots)

State Senators

Senator Dick Ackerman
Senator Sam Aanestad
Senator Roy Ashburn
Senator James Battin, Jr.
Senator Dave Cogdill
Senator Dave Cox
Senator Jeff Denham
Senator Bob Dutton
Senator Tom Harman
Senator Dennis Hollingsworth
Senator Abel Maldonado
Senator Bob Margett
Senator Tom McClintock
Senator George Runner
Senator Mark Wyland

Assembly Members

Assemblyman Greg Aghzarian
Assemblyman Joel Anderson
Assemblyman John Benoit
Assemblyman Chuck Devore
Assemblyman Bill Emmerson
Assemblyman Guy Houston
Assemblyman Bob Huff
Assemblyman Rick Keene
Assemblyman Doug LaMalfa
Assemblyman Bill Maze
Assemblyman Mike Duvall
Assemblyman Alan Nakanishi
Assemblyman Roger Niello
Assemblyman George Plescia
Assemblywoman Sharon Runner
Assemblywoman Audra Strickland
Assemblyman Van Tran
Assemblyman Michael Villines
Assemblywoman Mimi Walters

Local Elected Officials

Mayor Candace Andersen, Town of Danville
Mayor Neil C. Blais, City of Rancho Santa Margarita
Michael Calta, Chino Valley Unified School District
Dick Daniels, Escondido Councilmember
Mayor Curt Hagman, City of Chino Hills
San Diego County Supervisor, Bill Horn (District 5)
Mayor Eric King, City of Folsom
Mayor Pro-Tem Dan Kirby, City of Monrovia
Placer County Supervisor Bruze Kranz (District 5)
Imperial County Supervisor Wally Leimgruber (District 5)
San Bernadino County Supervisor Brad Mitzelfel (District 1)
Linda Lindholm- Laguna Niguel Councilmember
Mayor Jeff Miller, City of Corona
Mayor Pro Tem Leroy Mills, City of Cypress
Mayor Pro Tem Robert Ming, City of Laguna Niguel
Mayor Randall Norton, Town of Duncan
Mayor Curt Pringle, City of Anaheim
Frank Ury- Mission Viejo Councilmember
Mayor Todd Seymore, City of Cypress
Mike Spence, West Covina Unified School Board Member
Mayor Pro Tem Justin White, City of Chowchilla
Marie Waldron, Escondido Councilmember
Mayor Dennis Yates, City of Chino

Other Public Officials

Ken Campbell, Placer County Republican Chairman
Former Assemblyman Ray Haynes
Former Assemblyman Tim Leslie

Mormon Home Invasion

Cute, but ultimately spot-on frightening.  This is what happens if Proposition 8 passes.

Dark Update

Scott and I ultimately decided we didn’t want to feel rushed to get married just because the fucking Mormons are on their delusional rampage.  We want to do it right, not do it because we’re pressured to do so.  We have our domestic partnership, we have each other.  Even if Mormons win their precious Proposition 8 battle, they’ve lost the bigger war.  Love prevails, and love is something Mormons don’t have in their so-called Christian world.  They also don’t have porn (except at Marriott hotels).  Fuck ‘em.

Starting on Friday at midnight (Halloween), I gave myself the gift of time:  no games (PC, console, hand-held, nada).  One month to write when I can and stay focused on a book.  I’m on day two of Nanowrimo, and I’m feeling comfortable.  For the record, I’m writing within an arcing story-line, and the November goal is book 1 of 3.

I’ve left the stained glass in the workshop and I haven’t pulled out yarn yet.  I have started learning a scripting language, but that knowing will be long-term, and I’m okay with taking months to figure it out.

No matter our intentions, life has a way of building our paths as we go.  The work re-implementation is not going to happen any time soon.  I could be the biggest cheerleader and motivator in the world, but the fact is there are several key vacancies, and Friday brought really horrible news of a co-worker’s fiance dying of a heart attack.  He was 23.  The department needs solace and comfort right now and nothing else.

I did go to Utahrd in October and I had a great time.  Sister Mary Lisa was there, and it was so damn good to see her.  I got to see Lynski on multiple occassions for deep talking and great meals.  At a party in Pleasant Grove (yes – who the fuck goes to Utah to party in Pleasant Grove – yeah, that’d be me.), I met other splendid folks, but please don’t ask me to link them because I’m an ornery bastard and getting tired of typing (love you, friends!).  My favorite word for the evening was “boobies.”  I met some folks from Ex-Mormon boards (FLAK, RfM, Post-Mormon) and from the ExMormon conference.  I did not attend the conference – I only met some folks at a bar and got hit on by a stupid twat monkey that bemoaned the fact that “all the cute ones are gay or married.”  Yeah, bitch, next time don’t wear a red dress and look like you’re ready to do the horizontal ramba right after you say “hi” to someone.

I may be over my need for a blogging break.  It feels good to be blogging, peoples, and thank you for your wondermous comments in my mental absence.

Hugs and love.