Dear Mormonism and Homophobes

Have a nice day.

Miss Tiddies (CA) for Jesus

This is a rant.  This blog is conducting a rant in regards to the recent Miss California kerfuckle.  This is only a rant.  Please remain seated.  Leave the screaming to me.

Carrie Prejean has every right, every liberty to her opinions and beliefs.  She could be Mormon and I wouldn’t care.  She can pray to Jeebus.  She can have her boob job funded by Donald Trump’s Miss America machine.  She can be a spokesman for the National Organization for Marriage.  She can spout the words written by the has-been hack of a sci-fi writer, Orson Scott Card.  She can spew as much hot air as Rush Limbaugh’s ass – hell – she could BE Rush Limbaugh’s ass.  She’s a perfect Barbie with nice tits.  I don’t care if she had a penis.  As Gollum says, “We hates it forever.”

She broke her contract with the Miss America pageant.  Thou shalt disclose of nude photos, and thou shalt not speak on behalf of other organizations because, bitch, you are now owned by the Miss America conglomerate.  Of all my swirling emotions for Carrie Prejean, it’s pity – the girl is a sponge and doesn’t have the capacity of being her own person.

The real direction of my anger and disappointment is with the Limp-Dicked and Bad-Haired Donald Trump.  He compared Prejean’s views on gay marriage to President Obama’s.  The damned-to-bloody-hell proponents of Prop 8 used that argument as well, that Obama was against gay marriage.

I have as much use for Prejean and Trump as I do for a used condom.  Where’s the media flusher on this one?

Fuckin’ fuckheads can fuck themselves fuckless.

Have a nice day.

___

So what kinds of things piss you off?

(note to self – I haven’t had a “nearly naked blogging” moment in a long time – I need to do something about that)

Worst of 2008

This is my third attempt at this post.  Maybe the third time now will be cathartic… here we go.

I know last year I massively linked to my own stuff – sue me, but I’m being lazy this year (as self-evident with the massive amounts of non-posting the last several months).  No, I won’t be boring you with a blow-by-blow, month-by-month recap.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, the following are some of the biggest trials and challenges and my own self-styled “Worst of 2008.”

- In January I was promoted to an interim director position where I had great successes, but where I was ultimately passed over for an inexperienced, pasty-white Mormon kiss-ass imbecile.  He told me he was Mormon because he divulged that even though I was gay he wanted to get along with me.  He took great pains to express how devout and heterosexual he was.  Did I mention that he thought I’d be training him?  Yeah – that was as likely to happen as me fucking his wife.  This incidence will also rank in the “Best of 2008″ because from this experience, in which I was supposed to suck it up and train the vile fuck-wad (because “no one gets a job handed to them” even if you’re in the job doing it…) yes, this incident motivated me to get my ass out of a toxic environment that I hated.  I still hate the place and hope they get their asses audited and heads to roll.  Yep – I’m feeling some catharsis.

- Through the spring I worked with an insane and dishonest woman.  I think the powers-that-be got a certain voyeuristic pleasure, watching me deal with this twat-monkey because the spineless fucks wouldn’t.  She’s still working there, even though I was told that she’d be gone (or maybe that was the dangling carrot in the hope that I’d stay).  The experience helped me appreciate conflict resolution in other settings.  I’m grateful for that twat-monkey that let me grow – that no matter how unpleasant, nasty, merciless and mean the people are that you may work with, they are still human somewhere in their little shriveled hearts.  I can thank her existence as an example of what not to become.

- Scholastically, I dropped the masters program and haven’t re-enrolled.  Part of me can’t wrap my mind around any more on my plate right now.  Part of me wonders at the need for the title or the program(s).  And the larger part of me is loving the time at home with Scott.

- When I changed jobs, I lost a lot of friends and acquaintances.  Of the dozen of co-workers that I used to hang out with socially, I’ve kept in contact with only a few.  I miss them and I have made efforts to keep in contact, but it’s kind of like putting a condom on a limp dick.  Why the hell put out any energy when they obviously have no interest?  This one will smart for a long time.  Letting go is not graceful or immediate, it’s a slow bleeding of care that turns into apathy and indifference.  Kind of like what I’ve been doing with my own blog.

- Physically, I had some challenges, the highlight being a testicular ultrasound by a female nurse.  Good times, had I been hetero.  The treatment plan for prostatitis was HIGHLY successful.  My knee, which has had issues since I was a wee lad, has been acting up again.  I have been doing more reiki and stretching to compensate – so far so good.

- I turned 40.  I noticed more grey in my beard and on my chest.  The kids in college could be my kids.  Thoughts of fathering a child grow more and more remote. I missed more weeks of going to the gym than going, though we did swim most days throughout the summer.  My six pack feels like a twelve pack. At least Midas was svelte, though if we don’t start walking him he’s gonna be a porker by February.

- I’ve had one hell of a time writing.  I did not finish the novel I started in November for National Novel Writing Month.  This isn’t writer’s block – it’s a blank slate with no motivation to fill it.  I’m working on the motivation and the feeling that when I have a blank notebook… I have nothing to say.  This is the winter of my writing where I wait for my own spring thaw.  I’ll occasionally entertain myself with anatomically correct snow men.

- Prop 8 was a kick in the balls.  I don’t mind Mormons, but Mormonism is pure evil.  I wish that fraud of a church into obscurity and irrelevance, but I do appreciate that they’ve given the LGBT community a very visible face to focus on, get organized, and stop waiting to be loved and accepted.  We will live and love individually, as couples, and as more and more visible communities.

- Did I mention that my blogging in 2008 really sucked?

Donny Osmond

Mr. Donny Osmond, one of the world’s most famous living Mormons, is asked by a fan how he “as a Christian treats your [gay] friends who consider themselves married”.

Donny, sans Marie, had this to say:

“There are many gay individuals that are members of our church. I know many of them. In fact, some of my best friends are gay. You ask how I react regarding their marriages. Well, I do support our Church leaders who say that we can accept those with gay tendencies in our church as long as they do not act upon their temptations. Everyone has tenancies to succumb to temptation, but we all have the same standard given to us by our Father in Heaven. Whether we may be tempted to be immoral with members of our own sex or of the opposite sex, we are expected to live chaste lives. This is very well explained not only in the Book of Mormon, but in the Bible as well.”

Translation:

There are very few out-and-proud gay members in the Mormon church, because anyone with an ounce of self-respect would have left long ago.  Osmond thinks he’s tight with these gay Mormon members – highly implausible.  His best gay Mormon friends probably hate his guts if they read his crap.  Osmond would kill himself if his Church leaders asked him to.  Mormons think being gay is a choice.  Mormons tolerate gay people as long as they are celibate and silent, but will gladly take their tithing money to push their immoral and political endeavors.

Donny Osmond and his abominable, bigotted fans can fuck off and take their purple socks with them.

Boycott?

Boycott Utah?  There are active bloggers and GLBT groups who’ve already started a general boycott on all-that-is-Mormon or Catholic because of Prop 8.  That anyone would be surprised is beyond me.  Hello?  You don’t piss off the drag queens and lesbians.  Common sense, people.  I have no issue with going for (boycotting or publicly humiliating) the individuals and businesses who did give to Prop 8:  Priceline, Dell computer exec, etc.  While Bill Marriot did not donate to Prop 8, the moral giant came out with his own accolades of what a great guy he is and how sensitive he is to diversity.  Bill Marriott is a good Mormon and pays tithing.  I can’t in good conscience support his hotel empire, knowing my super-homo monies trickle into Mormon coffers – even if Mr. Marriott so considerately has started including gay porn in select locations.  Mr. Marriott – I’m sorry, but you’re on the bigot bus.  Let us (the GLBT) community know when you’re done on that ride?  Kthxbai.

I’m not an advocate of boycotting Utah.  Yes, the Sundance folks need to come out strongly in support of human rights for all or they can see their venue dry up like a condom left in the sunlight.  Yes, the skiing is great in Utah, but if Colorado was smart, they’d leverage the charges of Utah bigotry and make some big, gay, ski bunny money.  Suddenly, I wish I had a marketing background, but I digress.

But boycott all of Utah?  No.  Not even in my rage against the fucktards that are Mormon would I advocate such a stance.  I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – go for the misguided bigots that donated directly, and go for the businesses they represent.  But leave the innocents and guiltless of Utah alone.  The non-Mormon folks living in Utah are the only rays of sunshine the whole goddamn state ever experiences.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you could boycott a state?  Which one would you choose, and why?  Sorry – Utah is hypothetically chosen, at least until Mormonism has a revelation on the sacred institution of man to man peen worship.  My bush is burning.  I have to go now.

Proposition 8

Fair Warning:  this post is gonna ramble and contain highly offense words and phrases.

For the media-clueless, Proposition 8 is an initiative to change the California constitution, negating gay rights to marriage.  Tonight we saw a “yes for Proposition 8″ ad while watching the post-VP debate between Biden and Palin.  The talking points were almost comical:

• protect the institution of marriage!
• gay marriage is against the will of the people!
• “activist judges” overturned prior rulings!
• and the ad started and ended with a video montage of Gavin Newsom’s May 2008 press conference, celebrating the unconstitutional laws against gay marriage being struck down.   I’m sure THAT went down well for the Bible thumping right wing – probably farther than a porn star’s throat.
• ((Oh… tangent alert))

most fuckable mayor EVAH

• ((end tangent))

So some back story.  I fixed a stiff… drink and moved furniture (we’re getting carpet tomorrow) and put the plug faceplates back on that I’d removed (fear me – I’m proficient in unscrewing… and screwing).  ((We finished painting the other night, and no, I don’t/won’t have pictures yet – hush.))  So I did my chores and started reading news and blogs and came across a lovely post by a lovely friend and some of his fans’ not so lovely comments where some holier-than-thou douche bag used the phrase “gay lifestyle.”  Oh yes, she did.  I will tolerate the ignorant and asinine usage of the phrase from friends or fucking clueless family, but I won’t tolerate it from a stranger whom I could run over with a tractor and not lose any sleep.

Pay attention.  I’m going to paraphrase and then quote myself from a prior post on Mormons and Polygamy:

Golf, Mormonism and polygamy are lifestyles.  Sexuality is NOT a lifestyle, nor a crime. The next time someone uses sexuality and the word “lifestyle” in the same sentence, remember: one can CHOOSE to have more than one spouse (lifestyle), but gay/straight/bi/confused is a state of BEING (sexuality). Thou shalt not confuse the two, or thou shalt be struck down with a big floppy double-headed dildo.

Understand, I’m not so much riled about the Prop 8 advocates as I am about a really basic illiteracy of sexuality and the careless use of words.  It shouldn’t astound me, but it does, that people continue to denigrate, qualify and minimize the spectrum of sexuality through the lens and assumption of inherent choice.  Spare me the “but I’m not 100% gay or straight” missive.  I’m not talking about the physical capacity of gay men fucking women or straight men fucking gay women or whatever flavor you want.  I’m talking about sexuality as identity and discovery, which is deeply personal.  I could fuck everyone and anyone from here to Heaven and my physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, intellectual, chemical, hormonal levels would all prefer men.

Legislate that, ass hats.

Blog Viagra, anyone?

Quick, someone send me some blog viagra.  I’ve gone flaccid.  I was chatting with Cele and I admitted that I hadn’t had a blog boner in quite a while.  I’m afraid I haven’t been up (ahem) to the task.

What have I been doing?  I’m glad I asked, so in no particular order:

• So scattered I didn’t even do my own post for Talk Thursday.  Oops.  Don’t bother with the guilt routine, I’m immune unless it’s self-administered, and I’m fine with my decision.
• Second Life.  Virtual crack.  When there’s so much going on in your own life (and when you need a little distraction from blogging), you too can create whoever you want to be today.
• Work projects are progressing nicely.  I’m in project management mode, which means “Morale cheerleader.”  Stern but supportive taskmaster.  I’ve gone from data whore to data pimp.
• B-day party for one of Scott’s co-workers who lives in an amazing house in Alamo.  Million dollar views, movie-star driveway, circular stairs, wine-cellar, suit-of-armor, built in keginator off the kitchen, wrap-around decks, master bathroom with glass ceilings and walls.  Materialism envy rears its head.
• Spore.  More virtual crack, but on the cute side.  No animated penii or breasticles or simulated strippers like in Second Life.
• Working out.  I’m at the “is this worth it?” stage, but get re-motivated when I see myself naked.
• Airport run with Scott to pickup a friend.
• Naps.  Twenty minutes and I’m good.  Refreshed.  Almost pleasant even.
• Brunch at Katy’s Creek (California Benedicts are to die for!) with Mark and Rommel.
• Domestic disaster.  We’re getting new carpet in the master bedroom (long overdue) on Friday.  Being the prepared people that we are, we started moving furniture over the weekend.  Sunday, while Scott was in the shower, I tried to move the bed by myself – you know – just scooch it one side at a time.  I scooched it, all right…. and broke the leg of the headboard.  Scott heard my f-bomb while he was showering.
• Bed-frame and mattress shopping.  When you’re a domestic disaster and you break something, go shopping.  Word.
• Tonight I painted one wall and ran. out. of. paint. (Is it only men who think that paint and inches go farther than they think they do?)  Yes, yes, I’ll post pictures, once we’re done, but our deadline is by Thursday night because the carpet guys come and do a remove and replace on Friday.

State of the Nation

I’m not going to get into a Democrat versus Republican candidate debate.  I’m not going to get into character assassination or families or photo-ops.  I’m not going to launch into a diatribe about race, gender, economics, war, patriotism, home-ownership, teenage pregnancy, national security, terrorism, experience, Roe vs. Wade, gay marriage, global warming… or snide remarks about Mormons or Mitt Romney.  I’m sorry, but it’s too incredibly easy to hit the aforementioned targets, and right now I’m tired of easy.  I’m tired.  I want more than fighting.  I want resolutions.

I’ve been thinking about the United States.  The last fifteen plus years I’ve worked in the realms of higher education – a misnomer (higher education) to be sure, but a good representation of shared governance and representation.  In my time I’ve seen diverse groups with unique wants and needs come together and work out a compromise.  They work out a solution that invariably takes the best of what all parties have to offer and come up with a palatable solution.  I’ve often wondered that if a group of crazy fucking faculty, inept administrators, usually clueless students, and abysmally out-of-touch board members can get together and craft policy and create learning environments for their communities… then what the fuck is the problem with both political parties?

What is sorely lacking in the United States are discussions with an intention of compromise.  There’s nothing united in our current state of the nation except the mentality of “us versus them.”  We’ve devolved into a playground mentality of irrationality and name-calling.  We’re united in hate of one another.  Some enjoy this hate and revel in it.  Face it, we love to hate one another for our differences.  We’ve grown to expect such hate that no one blinks that we’re willing to effectively nuke the common playground if either side has to concede an ounce of perceived status or ownership.  There is no “ours” – only a “mine” or “yours.”

Will we as a nation grow up?  Can we be adults?  Can we take a higher road than what we’ve traveled?  Can we take pride again as a nation that’s inclusive, not exclusive?  Can we change our vocabulary, can we change the way we talk with ourselves and each other?  Can we talk issues?  Can we follow through and lead by example, walk the talk, do as we say to ourselves and our fellow men and women?

I want compromise.  I want dialgue.  I want out of this political circus.

Where do you want to go with this and how will we get there – together?

Bathroom Etiquette for Men

The following points should be kept in mind if you’re a man and you use a bathroom outside of your primary residence.

• Don’t use your cell phone in the bathroom.  I don’t care how skilled you think are in trying to piss and chat, and I really don’t need to see you try and zip and flush one-handed.  If you’re in a stall and talking, I pray to the toilet gods that your ass starts on fire from static electricity in your cell phone.

• If you’re standing at a urinal, look at the wall or watch where you’re pissing, but don’t be looking around at everyone else’s business like you’re at a science exhibit, ya stupid fucktard.  All you’re doing is reinforcing a gay stereotype that we’re interested in your microscopic schlong – we’re NOT. The only thing THIS gay man is interested in seeing is… your obituary.

• Don’t talk, particularly while in a stall.  If someone is in a stall and tries talking, exit the room quickly and turn off the light on the way out.  Let the jerk-off fumble their way out.  For extra points, call the main desk and tell them someone is in the bathroom having an epileptic fit.

• Aim.  Unless you have a neuro-muscular disorder or are prone to unintentional spasms, thou shalt not use a urinal – sit your ass down in a stall since you’re incapable of pissing in a receptacle that Helen Keller couldn’t miss.  Lay your dick in the god-damn-bowl if you can’t piss without missing.  Jeebus.

• Don’t leave a mess.  If the toilet seat and the floor looks like you just re-enacted Riverdance while pissing, then use your own shirt to wipe up your mess.  Your mom or spouse or significant other doesn’t work here – and they’d beat your ass to a bloody pulp if you pissed like that at home.  When you’re done cleaning your own mess, go find the janitor and confess your sins – be sure that your penance will be complete once you’ve chopped your own wood and you’ve been hung on a cross for a few days.

• Wash your hands.  You just touched your junk.  Are you really such a fucktard that I have to explain germs and hygiene to you?

This post came about because there’s a new employee that’s been pissing everywhere and it really makes me insane(r).  I have warned my boss to expect profane posters on the bathroom door and walls.  I told him today that it looked like the bathroom had been hit by a piss tsunami – he doesn’t understand that I’m serious and WILL publicly humiliate this arrogant and inconsiderate, fuckin’ fucktard.

Mormons and Polygamy

The FLDS reports of sexual abuse and underage, arranged marriages is all over the internets and mainstream media. For Mormons to try and distance themselves from polygamy is ludicrous. Their founding fathers were polygamists, secretly and openly: Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. Utah couldn’t become a State unless it ceased the practice of polygamy, then the then prophet/president and his ‘hood continued the practice for decades after their backed-into-a-corner proclamation and revised doctrine.

Some are gonna say I’m confusing apples and oranges, that the FLDS and Mormons are not the same. Hello? Mormon men secretly continued to dick around with women, other men’s wives, and under-age girls during the years following that “proclamation” in the late 1800’s. The FLDS broke off and went to play in their own sandbox in southern Utah. The FLDS at least have been honest about their beliefs and practices.

Mormons practice “spiritual” polygamy. This doctrine has never changed. The practice allows living men to be sealed to more than one wife in the hereafter. My scum-sucking insurance salesman of an uncle (have I mentioned the level of loathing I feel for this man?) was sealed in the Mormon temple to his second wife, just months after my aunt had passed away from cancer. In the Mormon afterlife when they are all dead, he’ll get to stand in his own personal Heaven behind the veil and call their secret names so that they (aunt/wife #1 and new wife #2) can be his mothers-in-heaven and spend the rest of eternity poppin’ out his spirit children. ‘Scuse me, but what part of “that’s fucked up” doesn’t anyone get? No wonder the Mormon church pushed so hard against the ERA amendment, it’s a fucking man’s club, minus the alcohol.

Mormons can run from their heritage and secret tenets, but they can’t hide, not even in god-forsaken Texas. They were and always have been polygamists, here on earth or in their hereafter.

Pay attention. Polygamy is a lifestyle. Abusing, raping, and marrying underage girls is a crime – may the offenders be castrated first and then shot in each head (little one, then the big one). Sexuality is NOT a lifestyle, nor a crime. The next time someone uses sexuality and the word “lifestyle” in the same sentence, remember: one can CHOOSE to have more than one spouse (lifestyle), but gay/straight/bi/confused is a state of BEING (sexuality). Thou shalt not confuse the two, or thou shalt be struck down with a big floppy double-headed dildo.

I need to sleep now.