Cross Country

Two years ago when I was at a conference I met a fellow-blogger in Washington, D.C.  Janet and I got along like gangbusters.  We had a great time of talking, talking and more talking – and a mutually satisfying food orgasm at an upscale Thai restaurant that I’d revisit in a heartbeat.  Janet is a writer, photographer, and communicator of immense skill.  She has nine personal blogs (four of which she keeps current) and she participates on three other blogs.

Janet and Maya are staying at our house this weekend.  They’ve been on the road the past three weeks, driving from D.C. south to New Orleans, then due west to California, up to Yosemite, then west to the Bay area.  We took them downtown to Maria Maria, a Mexican restaurant in Walnut Creek.  The margaritas (plural) were spectacular.  The conversation and night out were fantastic.  I love when people visit, but there are times when I wish the world was small enough so being with friends from across the country was more frequent.

We’re going to take out the Thunderbird convertible and go to one of our favorite breakfast places this morning.  With blue skies, gorgeous weather, and a car full of friends from faraway, it’s days like this where I know it’s a wonderful world.

Talk Thursday Topic

Talk Thursday is an informal group that communicate off line with a topic each week. The topic chooser rotates, and there’s an informal schedule of whose turn it is. Each person posts whatever comes to mind on their blog. Those interested in participating may do so – feel free to link back in the comments section. If you want to be in on the topic announcement, which is typically done offline, feel free to email me and I’ll add you to the informal list.  The informal group consists of these bloggers:

Cele
Lynn
Eddie
Angie
Jennifer

This week, I’m the topic chooser.  I have been less than active, nay, I’ve been AWOL on writing Talk Thursday topics for months now.  I’m posting this topic so that I have a reminder to get off my ass and write something that is due by next Thursday (04/30).

The topic for this week is:  “found what I never lost.”

That is all, carry on.

Pussy Caps

TLC (aka Tom), the wonderful host of Beanie Cap Guy, is having a faboo sale on his Pussy Caps.  His models are gorgeous, by the way.

Run.  Do not walk.  To your nearest credit card.

Imagine.  Hand-dyed yarn.  Hand spun by artist Lisa Souza.  Yarn so soft that you’ll want to rub the cab over every inch of your body.  If you’re single, you won’t need a date for the weekend, and if you go out in your Pussy Cap, you’ll be screamin’ ‘hawt hawt hawt’ with attitude and style.

A year or so ago I purchased one of his creations – I LOVE it.  I would include a picture, but I would then be tempted to take someone up on a dare and be inappropriate and risque, and these days I’m the model of decorum.  Besides, I don’t want to make anyone’s eyes bleed.  No.  Don’t tempt me.

Go see Tom’s stuff and get thee a Pussy Cap!  You know you want one.  If us gay guys can have a Pussy Cap, then you straight folks need to step it up and get one.  Now.  Sale ends on February 15th.

The Masked Blade

When in doubt, make yourself a super hero.  A big gay shout out to Sammy and Aaron for prompting the spontaneous fun.  (Eddie saw the pic and thought it said “the Naked Blade.”)

The Masked Blade

For those who still frequent my infrequent and sporadic postings…  here’s your reader assignment:  do you have a favorite comic book character/superhero, and if so, please share in the comments. I’m curious how many times Wonder Woman comes up (because she was one of my faves).

***

Pardon the really rough subject change but it was a rough day.  A rough couple of days.  Like riding a cactus banister, bare assed.

I’m out of my comfort zone and don’t feel like I’m at my best.  One year as a manager and I’m struggling with the hyper-awareness of being referee for groups or employees that don’t share toys or play nicely in their sandbox together.  I struggle with fairness and objectivity, because I don’t want to treat team-mates like I’ve been treated in the past.  I do my best to speak positively as related to projects and accomplishments and deadlines and I bend over backwards to listen for more of their life story than the day to day grind – work is important, but people are more important than their work.  I’ve given criticisms and negative feedback when it’s warranted.  I struggle with the feeling that I could be doing more.  I feel like I need to channel more of my inner gay superhero:  magic personality, cutting wit, dynamic awareness, matching belt and shoes, and a mask that hides my alter-ego and delicate nature.

**sigh**

Delicate.

Right.  Delicate as a douche commercial.  Or pulling out those splinters from the cactus banister using a pair of pliers, as mentioned above.

This is the part where I’m doing a self-evaluation and wondering how I stack up in the “excels at” column.  Or not.

***

Last but not least, I have not heard back from the writing conference about my submission.  Meanwhile, tic toc, tic toc, tic toc.

Le sigh.

Dark Update

Scott and I ultimately decided we didn’t want to feel rushed to get married just because the fucking Mormons are on their delusional rampage.  We want to do it right, not do it because we’re pressured to do so.  We have our domestic partnership, we have each other.  Even if Mormons win their precious Proposition 8 battle, they’ve lost the bigger war.  Love prevails, and love is something Mormons don’t have in their so-called Christian world.  They also don’t have porn (except at Marriott hotels).  Fuck ‘em.

Starting on Friday at midnight (Halloween), I gave myself the gift of time:  no games (PC, console, hand-held, nada).  One month to write when I can and stay focused on a book.  I’m on day two of Nanowrimo, and I’m feeling comfortable.  For the record, I’m writing within an arcing story-line, and the November goal is book 1 of 3.

I’ve left the stained glass in the workshop and I haven’t pulled out yarn yet.  I have started learning a scripting language, but that knowing will be long-term, and I’m okay with taking months to figure it out.

No matter our intentions, life has a way of building our paths as we go.  The work re-implementation is not going to happen any time soon.  I could be the biggest cheerleader and motivator in the world, but the fact is there are several key vacancies, and Friday brought really horrible news of a co-worker’s fiance dying of a heart attack.  He was 23.  The department needs solace and comfort right now and nothing else.

I did go to Utahrd in October and I had a great time.  Sister Mary Lisa was there, and it was so damn good to see her.  I got to see Lynski on multiple occassions for deep talking and great meals.  At a party in Pleasant Grove (yes – who the fuck goes to Utah to party in Pleasant Grove – yeah, that’d be me.), I met other splendid folks, but please don’t ask me to link them because I’m an ornery bastard and getting tired of typing (love you, friends!).  My favorite word for the evening was “boobies.”  I met some folks from Ex-Mormon boards (FLAK, RfM, Post-Mormon) and from the ExMormon conference.  I did not attend the conference – I only met some folks at a bar and got hit on by a stupid twat monkey that bemoaned the fact that “all the cute ones are gay or married.”  Yeah, bitch, next time don’t wear a red dress and look like you’re ready to do the horizontal ramba right after you say “hi” to someone.

I may be over my need for a blogging break.  It feels good to be blogging, peoples, and thank you for your wondermous comments in my mental absence.

Hugs and love.

Not Sharing

Besides the fact I haven’t been online because I was behind the Zion Curtain, and despite how I recovered from excessive vodka and vino (not at the same time, dearies, I’m occassionally not-smart but I’m not stupid)…  I haven’t felt like saying a whole lot.  Thoughts rumble around my mostly-empty head and I’m aware that I’m focusing on not focusing.  If this is serenity, I have to say I rather like chaos.  And sex and erotica and alcohol and dancing.  But I digress.

Here’s what I’ve not been sharing:

• New fave drink is carbonated water with ice.
• Working out, stretching and meditating… and slowly making progress.
• I’m likin’ the new template here.  The days of my black blog are over.
• Thank you to Christopher for the new headers (top of page).
• Scott and I are talking marriage before November.
  • No ceremony, no announcements, no presents, no photographers.
  • We already have rings.
  • We loved our 2005 commitment ceremony.
  • Neither of us want the other’s last name, but we may merge both and make one.
  • I would be completely fine with another honeymoon.
• I’m on book three of a young adult series, and book one of a new vampire series which I liked even though I thought the main character (who unfortunately survived) had as much empathy and compassion as Vlad the Impaler.
• Tarot and archetypes.  Its’ been ages since I did a reading, even though I took my stash with me (runes and two decks) to Utahrd.  Tarot of the Spirit, also affectionately known as the “Armageddon” deck.  Not for the faint of heart or heartless.  Helpful if one is familiar with Joseph Campbell and world mythologies.
• We hauled out the pool cover, which means summer is over.  If we’re lucky, we can use the cover and still be swimming through October, global warming permitting.
• With the turning of summer into fall, I have ample reason to pull out TLC’s Pussy Cap for our walks with Midas.  More on TLC when I can wrap some words around the wonder that he is.
• It’s a fellow blogger’s birthday tomorrow and I am completely unprepared.  I’d like to dedicate either a poem or a gorgeous hunk of a man to him.  Or offer to write him a short story.  Or send a care package of music, apricot butter, vodka, wine, or a big fuckin’ basket of all the above.  His choice.

That is all.

What’s on YOUR mind?

Pieces of Eight

When your own muse is being fickle and moody, then bless the friends who can inspire you back into the blogosphere.  Many thanks to Wry for getting me thinking because of her post, here.  I’m gladly pilfering my own idea I posted there… and editing and expanding those ideas.

Okay, so off the top of my head, (and I have a considerable amount of forehead to work with), here’s a meme that I shall henceforth call “Pieces of Eight.”  I’m going to be a little contrary and first post the questions… and depending on how fickle my muse still is, I’ll post my own answers in the comments.

Share eight possible reactions to the various possible and impossible circumstances:

1 – What would you do if you came into a lot of money?

2 – What would you do if you were invited to a nude gathering/party/wedding, etc.?

3 – You dream of an disaster approaching in three days (tornado, hurricane, earthquake, meteor). What do you do, if anything?

4 – You get to choose the Vice Presidential candidate for John McCain. Who do you choose to help him win or lose, and why?

5 – You are in a witness protection program. Who do you decide to be, where will you live, and what profession will you choose?

6 – You made reservations at a swanky restaurant. You are seated. The host screws up and brings someone famous that you happen to admire… to sit with you. Who’s the surprise company, and what’s your reaction?

7 – Your senses merge and you see colors and visions when you listen to music, particularly choir ensembles or classical. What do you see when you hear your favorite piece?

8 – Describe how you are lucky.

Now What

Angie brought up a great topic for last week’s Talk Thursday, which was “I got my wish! Now what?” Below are some of my thoughts on the topic, which I’m posting belatedly, but ya know… I’m posting. Deal.

What happens after the prince slays the dragon(s) and wins the kingdom? What happens when you get your wish, when you get the things or circumstances or person that you wanted, needed, craved or desired? What happens when you were willing to make a deal with god or God or the universe… and it came to be? I’ll leave the issue of manifestion (point A of wishing to point B of realization) for another day – but I will say that in that crystal moment of knowing what you want and speaking it clearly, the universe listens…

I believe that we as humans need conflict and disappointment. Struggles are essential. Friction serves as a motivator. Dissent is an opportunity to experience another view. Dissonance demonstrates the methods that are not harmonious. In the great words of the Eurythmics, peace is just a word. Happily ever after only happens in movies, and the moment the credits start rolling change has already happened, for better or for worse. Heroes grow old(er). Crowns become heavy. Hearts feel complacent. Self-actualization is like an orgasm – you know it when you’re experiencing it, and when it’s fading you wonder when you’ll experience it again.

Change is imminent, even within contentment.

I’m clapping if you’ve made it this far and are asking “what the HELL are you talking about?” Here: I’m confessing that I’m lazy, that I want an outer motivator to do my work for me so I don’t have to look inside and start prioritizing and recognizing the things that are important to me. I got MOST of my wishes in life (love, career, home, friends, family) and it’s time I took stock – check off the things I’ve done/received and keep adding new stuff, which of course is the biggest challenge: I don’t know what I want. What’s next? I want the answers without doing the work.

Agree? Disagree? Want to slap me yet?

This is the part when I want to delete everything, but I’ll post. I have no qualms sharing. I’m shameless that way.

Blog and Links

In testing the various options of WordPress.com versus WordPress.org (blog versus community-based application), I’m discovering a few things about myself: I’m not nearly as technical as I’d like to be, I’m very resistant to change, and I’m a hypocrite for advocating learning at the same time that I whine and moan about learning something new. I will most likely NOT be hosting this blog on our domain. For now, I’m staying here. Yes, I’m comfortable with the status quo. Handle it. Intention and eventuality are rarely the same – such is life.

A side project I’m working on is clearing up my blogroll and links by consolidating the link pages and blogrolls into one page, period. One stop shopping.

I want to point out a few blogs that are important to me for various and non-related issues, as I’ll clarify below:

Dancing With Crazy – Emily Pearson. Funny, witty, dynamic, and holds-no-prisoners. Adept and adroit, she handles TBM trolls with a grace that I don’t have and never will.

Without Wax – Pete, a pastor at Cross Point Church in Tennessee. I love how he is creating an inclusive readership and community. I initially worried that I’d offend his sensibilities or sear his retinas, but the guy’s a trooper – and my experience of him so far is that he’s sincere and non-judgmental. Pardon the obvious, but he’s not Mormon.

Son of Tarot – Christopher Butler discusses his new deck, the Son Tarot, from a gay men’s perspective on the tarot archetypes. His Quantum deck is now out, too.

Erik’s sweet post to his husbear of 11 years made me smile. Beautiful couple. His most recent “stud(l)y break” post is going to be my next wallpaper.

My Prozac Cocoon – Tales from a Matrix Prescription. One of Eiain’s posts was featured on the front page for WordPress and I followed the link to his site, and I’m glad I did. He and his partner are in my thoughts and I’m wishing them health and happiness. I’m enjoying this growing community of blog brothers.

Planet Romach – Mark, Eiain’s partner, is the source of my extreme blog envy. I wanted a way to share music like he did. His musical selection hits all my buttons. Mark**, the shirtless wonder, is stunning – if I felt a quarter of the sexiness that this man exhibits, I’d be one confident hombre. With inspiration like him, I could one day be comfortable with my own hairy chest.

Readers – what site(s) do you love? Please share your link love of sites that inspire you, fill you with lusciousness, make you weep with joy, etc…

**my mistake – I posted this and screwed up Eiain’s and Mark’s names – someone slap me**

Cowboy Dreams

Here’s to dreams of cowboys and riding hard and the big skies of Montana, for TLC.

Safe travels, good sir.