Talk Thursday: Fabric of Connection

(Fair warning:  this is incredibly fractured and I’m tired and irritable.)

My role in the space I’ve created here this past year has been more of an unraveller than a weaver.  Negligence is self-evident.  I spent a lot of time tonight looking back at prior posts and comments and I cringed because there’s so much I didn’t do, least of which was writing and sharing.  Those nice little strings here and fixing hems there haven’t been completed.  Tonight I read other blogs that I haven’t been to in ages and noticed a common theme of people examining the space they’ve created and the reasons for which have changed over time.  My space here and my intentions have changed too – and I don’t have the full answers yet because I’m in the middle of it.  Obviously, I don’t want to let this space go or I wouldn’t have bothered writing at all.  Somewhere in my heart is the need to afix more buttons to this work, to gather more threads where my life is woven with others and chronicle those moments and bindings.  It’s not to say that there won’t be times when I cut a thread or get cut myself – nothing nothing nothing in this universe stays the same.  Change happens, will happen, is happening.  The weave we think we’re working with will invariably be knotted differently than we expected.

When I read other blogs and their spaces spaces and looked back at my own I had to pause and take it in and appreciate the connections.  While blogging may be one of the most self-centered and narcissistic exercises this side of Facebook status updates, it is the act of reading and feeling others in their experiences of exhibitionism and self-less narcissism that make this weave of life so fascinating and worthwhile.  All these words on virtual pages that may or may not make an immediate difference to anyone or ourselves, but in time may show our textures and colors and changes because we’re able to see a pattern that moves beyond this space we can “see” only in now.

I have been holding the threads in my mind that mean both connection and specific people and I’ve been asking myself questions that won’t get answered, at least not here.  The answers will come later, after the part where I quietly attend to the loose stitches, the hems, and all the button holes.  I’ll know when I know when I’m not tired and manic and annoying myself because I do feel guilt and I really hate that.

***

I am sitting here listening to music.  I keep forwarding through songs when something bothersome comes on, such as Beck’s “Loser” or Nitzer Ebb’s “Murderous.”  I am thinking too much.  I have been writing this in between reading posts and email:  write, backspace, edit, repeat.   I’m absorbing the fact that as of today I’m back in grad school, that class starts on November 3rd, and that I’ll be finished next November.  I’m annoyed with my parents because they’re aging and they tell me stories instead of telling the truth about their health.  I’m happy I made dinner tonight for Scott (yes, it’s a rare thing).  I’ve lost five pounds of the ten I gained this past year.   I’m slightly concerned about my current contract and the financial challenges in California for higher education.  I’m blathering.

I’ve written a lot of nothing and I’m okay with that because it means I’ve sat my ass down and wrote.  Please note that if you consider all the words on this post, know that I’ve deleted more than what is posted.  At this point, you may also consider yourself blessed.  G’night.

Netbook

What might possibly turn the head of a dedicated size queen, something that flies in the face of the credo that ‘bigger is better’?  I’m glad you asked. 

A new netbook.

We went into Fry’s to look at the little buggers.  10.1 inch screen.  160 gig hard drive.  1.6 Ghz.  We upgraded to 2 gig of RAM ($26.00).  Built-in webcam.  Speakers.  The sales guy was helpful to the extent that he validated the comparisons of models, and he was interesting in an “more at home in a bar drinking absinthe in the Victorian age” kind of way.  But I digress.

We bought the silver Lenovo netbook. 

When we got home and opened the package, it was a pink Lenovo netbook.  We are not amused.  I wanted to name it “Pinky Winky” but Scott vetoed that one.

We loaded the netbook with Office 2007 software and a few other items for our oncoming road trip.  We discovered that there was an SD card so we could immediately upload out pics as we go along on our trip.  The plan, based on wireless or hotel internet options, is to write and blog on our journey.  We’ll be offline a lot, but is it really possibly in this day and age to stay off the internets completely?  I shudder to imagine.

Questions for readers:  what’s your favorite small thing, and any favorite destinations in the great Northwest?  We’re hitting Crater Lake and Glacier Nat’l, but after that we’re wide open for a week.

Install, Uninstall and reboot

Second three-day weekend.  Here’s to a summer of three-day weekends.  Here’s to three-day weekends without technical difficulties.

Scott’s been taking the Chrysler 300’s engine apart to get to the no-oil-pressure issue.  He’s also been de-greasing the engine interior and painting it back to factory original.  I’ve been doing yard work or goofing on the computer.  A year ago, Scott talked about a workspace in the garage so I could join him out there while he worked.  Saturday, my space happened.  Saturday, my laptop worked perfectly.  Saturday night, Windows did an update before I shut down.  Sunday, laptop no workie.  Blood pressure and swearing worked perfectly, but laptop no workie.

I installed, uninstalled, reinstalled, rebooted, deleted, downloaded, prayed, and cursed.  I learned a lot in the whole process, little things like “msconfig” and “regedit.”  During several of the rebooting and installing moments, I did yardwork and planted flowers.  No low-flow and drip sprinkler setups – that will have to wait for another day.   During another install/reboot episode, I weeded and filled an entire container with yard waste.  Go, me!

Finally, I learned that I’m a casual user, not a techie any more.  I learned that I have the patience of Rush Limbaugh waiting for his Viagra fix to kick in (Tangent – but it’s good that he’s rich because that jerk-off isn’t gettin’ any without paying for it).  I learned that I didn’t read ONE little menu item, which was the source of all that was wrong in the world.

The laptop is back in business.  I apologize for taking various diety’s names in vain.

***

Different subject.  I have 3+ years of old posts to go through to find dead links.  Also, as I have threatened previously, I’ll be updating my links page and removing dead links there as well.  I know many blogs have come and gone, but I’m not planning on this blog to disappear.

Thanks for the emails and encouraging comments.

Umble, Times Four

Fumble

When one is in another director’s office, be careful at how animated one can become in a conversation.  Be extra careful if one is highly caffeinated.  Replacement cost for the plant and decorative ceramic planter that is launched to its death by a careless gesture:  $30.00.

Rumble

When one needs a blog makeover, start with the links page.  Feel free to wipe the slate and start over.  Embrace each fickle moment.  It’s not about link backs and friendships – it’s about your blog, your clutter, and your need to express yourself.  Let no one take things personally.

Mumble

It is acceptable to be fully immersed and participating in a collective, electronic, exhibitionism.  It is also acceptable to be “over” the social networks, such as Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.  It is not acceptable to delete your blog in a fit of angst, depression, or pettiness.  It is acceptable to neglectl and ignore your blog, however, and let it wither into a little dust bunny.

Stumble

Forty year old bodies were not meant to jump rope for 10 minutes without warming up and stretching.  Avoid stairs the following day if you were stupid enough to neglect the warm up and stretch part.  Do not attempt 15 minutes the following night.  Do not jump rope when your golden retriever, who wants to play fetch, is nearby.  Do not jump rope near the daffodils – the delicate petals are no match against the whirling rope.

Three on the way

(the post title looks like “threeway” if you read it quickly – or else I’m just a perv)

My one brain cell had room to plan the final posts for 2008. By December 31st, I will be posting:

• My best of 2008
• My worst of 2008
• 2008 You You’s in picture format (unlike 2007, which was song quote based)

I’m thinking ahead to 2009 because my 3 year blogiversary is coming up fast.  Even though the past half year could be considered non-blogging.  But for purists and calendar freaks, January is that month for me.

Did I mention that I’m now officially off until 2009 (whilst doing some unofficial work over the holiday break)?  Wish me luck – I’m about to brave Best Buy and Fry’s Electronics.

Dark

For multiple reasons, I’m officially going dark until December 1st.  ((In Mormon language, that means I’ve turned into a Jewish Native-American sinner (Lamanite).))  ((Kidding.))  I’m going offline, for your health and mine.

It’s not that I don’t have things to say and share.  I’m acknowledging that I need and want a blogging break.  Unofficially, I may lurk and comment and even post – hell – I might even change my eternally fickle mind.  Obviously the last several months, I’ve had as much interest in blogging as going to a Republican wet t-shirt contest – heaven knows you’re not gonna see any balls or hefty cock at one of those!  But I digress.

Here are a few things on my proverbial plate I’d like to accomplish by the end of November:

• get married to Scott
• write 50,000 words through November for Nanowrimo
• start and finish an HR/Payroll coding/redesign/setup
• learn a scripting language
• break out the yarn and try knitting or crochet (again)
• start and finish a new stained glass piece
• take a short jaunt to Utahrd and drink (yeah – who the fuck goes to Utahrd to DRINK?)

Drop a line if you feel so inclined. Just because I’m not blogging does not mean I’ll be ignoring email.  (I am, and always have been, an email whore.)

Hugs and love.

-Don aka Sideon

Blog Viagra, anyone?

Quick, someone send me some blog viagra.  I’ve gone flaccid.  I was chatting with Cele and I admitted that I hadn’t had a blog boner in quite a while.  I’m afraid I haven’t been up (ahem) to the task.

What have I been doing?  I’m glad I asked, so in no particular order:

• So scattered I didn’t even do my own post for Talk Thursday.  Oops.  Don’t bother with the guilt routine, I’m immune unless it’s self-administered, and I’m fine with my decision.
• Second Life.  Virtual crack.  When there’s so much going on in your own life (and when you need a little distraction from blogging), you too can create whoever you want to be today.
• Work projects are progressing nicely.  I’m in project management mode, which means “Morale cheerleader.”  Stern but supportive taskmaster.  I’ve gone from data whore to data pimp.
• B-day party for one of Scott’s co-workers who lives in an amazing house in Alamo.  Million dollar views, movie-star driveway, circular stairs, wine-cellar, suit-of-armor, built in keginator off the kitchen, wrap-around decks, master bathroom with glass ceilings and walls.  Materialism envy rears its head.
• Spore.  More virtual crack, but on the cute side.  No animated penii or breasticles or simulated strippers like in Second Life.
• Working out.  I’m at the “is this worth it?” stage, but get re-motivated when I see myself naked.
• Airport run with Scott to pickup a friend.
• Naps.  Twenty minutes and I’m good.  Refreshed.  Almost pleasant even.
• Brunch at Katy’s Creek (California Benedicts are to die for!) with Mark and Rommel.
• Domestic disaster.  We’re getting new carpet in the master bedroom (long overdue) on Friday.  Being the prepared people that we are, we started moving furniture over the weekend.  Sunday, while Scott was in the shower, I tried to move the bed by myself – you know – just scooch it one side at a time.  I scooched it, all right…. and broke the leg of the headboard.  Scott heard my f-bomb while he was showering.
• Bed-frame and mattress shopping.  When you’re a domestic disaster and you break something, go shopping.  Word.
• Tonight I painted one wall and ran. out. of. paint. (Is it only men who think that paint and inches go farther than they think they do?)  Yes, yes, I’ll post pictures, once we’re done, but our deadline is by Thursday night because the carpet guys come and do a remove and replace on Friday.

Dig the Digs?

Okay, so there’s been a little makeover.

Do you dig the new digs?

Opinions and comments, please.  Spill it.  Sock it to me, baby – the good, the bad, the fugly.

This and That

TLC posted some comments about blogging and how bloggers “gotta keep the masses entertained or the tiara will go flying from my head” and I instantly related.  The difficulty for me is the part that happens before the writing:  I want to write, I have things to say, but sometimes I can’t gather the oomph to put it out there.  I guess it’s kind of like being in the men’s room and getting pee shy at those damn trough urinals – performance anxiety.  I literally zip it up in both cases.  Understand, I’m not looking for feedback – I’m explaining my (completely) mental process that doesn’t translate into fingers on the keyboard for all ya’ll.

***

Blogging is/was/still is a way for me to connect with people from across the miles.  Most of my very dear friends live very far away.  I’ve met incredible people because of blogging, many because of the whole post-Mormonism thang, and also writers and artists.  I’ve seen bloggers come and go and my conversations with myself have often been something like “oh, but I wouldn’t stop blogging – I want to stay connected.”  Deep breath, darlings, but I’ve thought about not blogging.  I recognize that staying connected takes energy, but I recognize too that if all parties aren’t contributing, then resentment and apathy replace that connection.  I’m being sensitive and unreasonable and I’ll get over it.

***

I love the company I work for and I love my job.  My only concern is the feeling of uncertainty about the length of the contract.  I’d like to get back to school and take more classes, but if my job is a short-term thing, I’d feel guilty about taking classes instead of focusing on the next viable gig.  Longer contract equals more stability.  Shorter contract equals an increasing mindset to micromanage and hoard every penny.  On the other hand, I can basically go to school for free (except certain fees and books), so what the hell am I worrying about?  Can we start a “spank Don’s bare ass” line?

***

Today I did the elliptical at a fast clip and burned through a mile and 100+ calories in roughly 10 minutes – let’s just say I won’t be doing a marathon in this lifetime (no no no, HELL no).  I stretched and did abs, then worked on dips (three sets of 10) and pull-ups (three sets of 10).  I’ve lost a lot of strength from being a lazy bastard and not hitting the gym the past month – I used to do six sets apiece and was on my way to nine sets.  Scott had a meeting after work, so Midas and I hit the pool when I got home.  I swam some laps and also swam from wall to wall underwater, 20+ times.  I have to say, it would be completely boring if Midas wasn’t there to drop the ball on my head when I came up for air.  No soreness so far, which is good, because I’m doing weights tomorrow and more swimming.

***

We have been working on our new home website but we hate the photo options so far.  We may end up with a photo blog, which will allow folks to comment without the need to register on our domain.  I realize I’ve said we’re revamping our site months and months ago.  Patience.  It’ll happen before the next US President (Obama) is elected.

***

Those are the current thoughts in my one brain cell.  What’s on your mind?

Getting Organized

Accomplishments today…

.

..

…

**crickets chirping**

I cleaned up the half glass of milk that the kittens spilled while I had been in the shower. When I got back from the grocery store (because I’m making my man dinner), and after I got dinner going (I loves me my crock pot), I started redoing my links pages. I consolidated the many pages of links to one page.

That lovely little project took me three and a half hours. I didn’t realize that I could have cut/paste the HTML code to notepad or whatnot and then made some mass changes/find/replace right there. No, see, I think I’m brilliant and I work in Word and get frustrated with tables. How the hell do you get data OUT of a table without copy/pasting each blessed* value into another application – if I have a table and only want the values? I couldn’t figure it out. (If anyone knows what I’m talking about – give me a holler.) I went back and forth between Word and Excel and back to Word and then into the blessed* WordPress application. End result… I have one page of Link Love with suitably labeled sections (including a NSFW section for those with a penchant for man flesh).

I must love all ya’ll, ‘cuz heaven knows if you were family I would have deleted the blessed* page.

(* = I’m trying not to use the “F” word since about the same time a week ago that I stopped drinking sodas, and just about the time I got my butt back to the gym – hey – four times this week.)

I’m signing off now to vacuum and be a domestic god.