Talk Thursday: Two Late Topics

For Talk Thursday, I’m behind a few weeks with “Milestones and Mortality,” and my own topic of “Castaways.”  I’ll think of some suitable self-torture in another venue, but for now, all ya’ll get a little stream of consciousness.  Instead of a cohesive piece, it’s gonna be piecemeal, disjointed, and chaotic – kind of like the top of my desk at the moment.

Mortality is much on my mind most of the time.  The last few weeks, even more so because of big time life and death events:  elderly relatives’ birthdays, friends’ children’s birthdays, a friend’s suicide, and my mom’s increasingly poor health.  I’d love to channel Elton John’s “Circle of Life” (belted out at the top of my lungs) and force myself through a deeper understanding of life and the challenges thereof, but my sense of grace and wonder is jaded.  Most days I’m more in tune with Depeche Mode’s “Blasphemous Rumours.”  Most days.  I don’t have many issues with my own mortality.  I don’t know how to deal with people nearest to me dying.  I’m clueless, flailing, and graceless.

I reached a certain health milestone today when I went to the follow-up physical after my little summer aspiration episode.  Lovely time, that – I hope to never repeat it (the aspiration, not the physical).  Other than my stomach acid issue (which can be controlled through drugs, diet restrictions, and exercise), I’m healthy as a fookin’ horse (though not nearly as hung, thankfully).  Here I be, 41 years old, and the doc was impressed with my bloodwork and improvements since summer.  Thank the lords for small mercies, right?

I was listening to the song “Castaways,” by Toyah, when I made myself send out a topic, any topic, to the Talk Thursday group.  I didn’t have a thought or story to tell.  At that moment, I felt rather adrift in my own thoughts about blogging, about writing, about online communities and the rhetoricals of what constitutes sharing too much?  Hard to imagine that I am questioning the whole blogging thing after 3+ years into this space, but that’s where I am.  No, I haven’t given up, but I’m acknowledging that sometimes I just don’t feel like talking.  Thanks to the folks who’ve stuck around through those silent spaces.

Traveling and Why I’ve Been Absent

We’ve been in Chicago since last Thursday and the internets here have been intermittent and sometimes completely absent.  There’s something funny about being subject to the rules of nature in thunderstorms, such as power outages and loss of network connectivity. 

We’ve had a good time with family.  Except for a resurgence with stomach acid, which I’m sure has had nothing to do with the alcohol or acidic food I’ve been eating, I’ve been faboo.  Let’s just say that I don’t dare go to bed without taking little magic pills for acid. 

Highlight of the trip so far was watching “Raging Planet” on the Discovery channel – an episode on tornados.  It coincided with the real life storm warning and tornado watch here – it’s the first I’ve ever been through.  I feel scarred from living through the movie Twister too many times because I always internally duck at the image of flying cows.  No such luck with this though – it was just a wimpy thunderstorm. 

We fly home tomorrow.  I can’t wait to be back home and sleeping in my own bed again.  Hugs to all ya’ll.

Feast of Fiction

If I haven’t been social networking (Facebook, Twitter, etc), gaming (Second Life, Sims3, Jade Empire (old Xbox game -shut up)), and certainly haven’t been blogging, then what HAVE I been doing?  You didn’t ask, but I’ve been reading.  Reading gobs and gobs.  Devouring lines, pages, chapters, books, savoring words and images and sometimes sitting back and saying “wow” and looking around for a fire extinguisher because it felt like I had a fiery orgasm.  (No, I haven’t been reading erotica, but I have some good suggestions for those inclined.)  Sometimes the story is so powerful that I cry – but I can count on two hands the times that has ever happened.

It feels good to read.  I should do more.  The call of the computer is strong, and being the king of self-distractions, I get lost in an obscene number of unnecessary side-trips.  If the most efficient path is point A to point B, my trips are usually round-the-world loopty-loops.  But with reading?  I’ll stop when my body is tired.  I’ve been known to pick up a book and not stop until I’m done – I’ve had many a put-the-book-down-with-a-sigh moments at 3:00am.  Being able to read fast helps.  I’m sure everyone measures how many pages they can read in an hour.  Some people have penis and/or reading envy – I don’t.  100+ pages an hour, baby (don’t ask the other stat).

What is it about good reading that can stop time, create feelings from words on a page, and connection and care for people that don’t exist?  What is it in those moments that I want to do the same kinds of things in my own writing?  Why do YOU read and what do YOU get out of it?

Part II of this post (I thought I’d be merciful and break up the long post) will follow.  For those inclined to reading, I’ve put together a short list of long-time favorites in terms of fantasy/fiction series.  I threw in a few stand-alones as well.  I’m a book pusher.  Go read.  You know you want to.  Everyone’s doing it.  If you were cool you’d do it, too.  Measure your… speed, too.  Return and report.

Inaugural Drive

Oh yeah – I DO have a blog!  I almost forgot.

The Chrysler 300’s re-chromed bumpers arrived on my birthday last week (last year the car arrived from Massachusetts on the day of my 40th birthday party) – Scott is really diggin’ my birthday.  I helped him attach the bumpers (yeah, SO helpful – I held up each bumper while he screwed bolts into place).  On Saturday, he spent most of the day re-attaching the back seats and installing the side panels.  I was so helpful – I vacuumed and helped sealing the interior side panels.  I may have screwed in a few chrome pieces with the drill when Scott wasn’t looking.  (Ever since that unfortunate moment with the table saw and the 4×4 post that somehow didn’t kill me, I’ve been banned from (most) power tools.)

We called ahead to Mark and Rommel’s since we were running late, but the majority of the attendees were from San Francisco – they operated on standard gay time, which means that we arrived before almost everyone else.  The inaugural drive down to San Ramon was beautiful.  The car drove a little hot, but Scott says it looks like all gauges read high.  As long as the gauge works, I’m fine.  If the car was a convertible, I would have worn big-ass sunglasses and a babushka.  For reals.

The boys were suitably impressed in a gay-standard “wow, that car is huge – you must be size queens!”  Eighteen and a half feet of Toreador red fabulosity.

Here’s a pic of the car and how it looked a year ago.  The interior was shot, the exterior multi-colored, but the body was solid with very little rust.

I will post NEW pictures this week.  Doesn’t the pic just scream “Boy Wonder”?

Meme of 99 Have and Have Nots

For those who’ve stuck around – I’ve not exactly been active on here or in the blog world of late.  I missed my own blog anniversary but hope this attempt, in the spirit of sharing and re-entering the blogosphere, will serve as a nice capstone to three years of on and off blogging.  Many thanks to Wry Catcher and POMP – two of the most intelligent, well-written, and flat-out funny bloggers I’ve had the pleasure of encountering – for inspiring me with getting back to the tried and true – memes.

Rules are relatively simple.  Take the list (copy and paste to notepad – it will remove all bold and italic formatting).  Copy list back to Word or whatever where you then bold the items you’ve done.  Don’t bold items you haven’t done.  I liked Wry’s parenthetical commentary and incorporated that “rule” here – you can do whatever the hell you want to if you choose to play.  Here’s my list of 99 things that I have or have not done.

1. Started your own blog (Does it count if one has neglected their main one?)
2. Slept under the stars (Despite my fear of mosquitoes and getting sucked dry because I’m so sweet.)
3. Played in a band (Walking and talking or dancing (not at the same time) is my limit.)
4. Visited Hawaii (All too briefly, en route from Guam.  The highlight of that trip being a younger looking Antonio Banderas named, appropriately, ‘Peter.’)
5. Watched a meteor shower (Watching men shower is much more exciting.)
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (I’d give billions if I had billions to give.)
7. Been to Disneyland/world (Why can’t there be a day for adults only?)
8. Climbed a mountain (And on a clear day you can see forever.)
9. Held a praying mantis (And didn’t scream like a girl.)
10. Sang a solo (Only in the privacy of my own home, doors and windows locked.)
11. Bungee jumped (Why not pull my liver out through my nostrils, first?)
12. Visited Paris (Not yet, mon amis.)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (On the banks of the Great Salt Lake will NEVER count.)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I can crochet scarfs, hot pads, and cock warmers.)
15. Adopted a child (Not yet, anyway.)
16. Had food poisoning (Taco Bell, In-N-Out Burger… and I still go back.)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (Seems strangely obscene to be inside a representation of liberty.)
18. Grown your own vegetables (Proxy accomplishment via Scott’s green thumb.)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (How could this possibly compete with the wonder that is porn?)
20. Slept on an overnight train (Full moon, snowstorm, and going through the Sierra Nevadas past Mt. Shasta on the way to Oregon, with Scott.)
21. Had a pillow fight (You haven’t lived until you’ve beaned someone upside the head with a bunch of feathers inside a pillow case.)
22. Hitch hiked (I was a good kid and didn’t talk to strangers nor run away.)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (These kinds of days are randomly required to deal with life.)
24. Built a snow fort (And somehow never learned how to ski whilst being imprisoned in Utah.)
25. Held a lamb (Does a gyro count?)
26. Gone skinny dipping (Our pool is clothing optional, unless you’re hawt, then it’s mandatory.)
27. Run a Marathon (Running, like Mormonism, is a cult, I say.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (Loves me some Italy, but I have yet to hit Venice.)
29. Seen a total eclipse (And lunar, too.)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (Whoever wrote this meme lived underground in captivity, right?)
31. Hit a home run (Later with the team captain, too – Woo hoo!)
32. Been on a cruise (Mediterranean gay cruise – Spain, Italy, Greece, Turkey.  2000 gay men, all prone to moments of spontaneous “fabulous!” – and it was fantastic.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (Only on TV, and always hopeful to see someone going over the edge in a barrel.)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Place of conception:  Thermopolis, Wyoming.  No wonder I’m hot-headed, passionate and obstinate.)
35. Seen an Amish community (What goes “clip clop, clip clop, bang!, clip clop, clip clop”?  An Amish drive-by.)
36. Taught yourself a new language (I can swear in Spanish (minor in college), Farsi, Greek, and pig-latin.)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (I be one happy and sated man, but more would help friends and family.)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person (And tried to tip it over but it wouldn’t budge.)
39. Gone rock climbing (Me and ropes and gravity?  I’ll leave the BDSM gear in the bedroom, thank you.)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (Never has a piece of marble looked so lickable.)
41. Sung karaoke (I’d have to be drunk on vodka, Valium AND Vicadin.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt (Nature’s money shot.)
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant (I have a weakness for little old men or women eating dinner by themselves – I’ve paid tabs anonymously.)
44. Visited Africa (It’s on my travel list.)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (Yes.  Whoever thought beaches and love makin’ was a good combo was an idiot – or they had a high tolerance for sand and chaffing.)
46. Been transported in an ambulance (No thanks.)
47. Had your portrait painted (Drawn.  SML did a great job.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing (I don’t like deep water, nor fishing.)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (Impressive, except the damn priests shushing people – bastards should take an oath of silence and shut the fuck up, starting with their Nazi Pope. (See, I pick on more than Mormons.))
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (No and no interest – the stupid James Bond movies ruined the sentiment for me.)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (Claustrophobic and way terrified of drowning.)
52. Kissed in the rain (Kissing, rain or shine, is a good thing.)
53. Played in the mud (And masques are great, too.)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (I remember seeing the Aristocats on the top of the family Blazer, circa 70’s.)
55. Been in a movie (Homemade videos do not count.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China (Great buffet.)
57. Started a business (Twice.  Might do it again some day.)
58. Taken a martial arts class (Tai chi, but I’m a lover, not a fighter.)
59. Visited Russia (I’m cravin’ me some vodka.)
60. Served at a soup kitchen (No soup for you!)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Chocolate Thin Mints, please.)
62. Gone whale watching (I want to do an Alaskan cruise.)
63. Gotten flowers for no reason (My man loves me.)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (Don’t get me started on how discriminatory this is for the gay community – even those of us in monogamous relationships, we can’t give blood without LYING and saying we’re straight.)
65. Gone sky diving (Right after my liver is removed through my nostrils, just push my body out the hatch, kthx.)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (The Holocaust memorial in DC is the closest I’ll ever come to a concentration camp, unless Mormons take over the world and try putting gay men and women into them.)
67. Bounced a check (In my earlier years where I was less fiscally responsible.  Stop it.  I’m serious as a heart attack.)
68. Flown in a helicopter (Not even for a porn version of M.A.S.H.)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (Comics, cars, mementos, all packed neatly in an antique pinewood box.)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (Holy temple of liberty and freedom.)
71. Eaten Caviar (Ick.  I can barely handle the little orange fish egg things on sushi.)
72. Pieced a quilt (Crochet is my speed – the needles are not pointy and dangerous.)
73. Stood in Times Square (Twice, and stumbled both times.  Tequila flashback.)
74. Toured the Everglades (Alligators or crocodile things are there.  Definite no.)
75. Been fired from a job (Amazingly, no, not even when I came out to a closeted Mormon boss.  Dodged more than one bullet on that one.)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London (If it included a costume change, I might be more interested.)
77. Broken a bone (Never, which is stunning when you consider my issues with gravity and accidents.)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (As both driver and passenger – I grew up with motorcycles, 3-wheelers and 4-wheelers.)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (The place needs a name that does it justice.)
80. Published a book (Workin’ on it.)
81. Visited the Vatican (And held hands with my partner and kissed him and God didn’t strike us dead.)
82. Bought a brand new car (Four times now.  New leather smell is intoxicating.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem (God needs to take it away from everyone until her children can learn to play together.)
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (As a child, there was some article about Mother’s Day.  Cute, but so not newsworthy.)
85. Read the entire Bible (I could only deal with a porn or Broadway version.  A blend of both would be fine.)
86. Visited the White House (And wasn’t arrested or detained, even.)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (No.  I can’t even touch hamburger in a package.)
88. Had chickenpox (And measles and mumps.)
89. Saved someone’s life (I’d do anything for my friends.)
90. Sat on a jury (Insert corrected phrase of “hung jurist” – kidding.)
91. Met someone famous (The Osmonds don’t count!)
92. Joined a book club (Any social gathering involving wine and good conversation works for me.)
93. Lost a loved one (May they be walking with the gods.)
94. Had a baby (I’ll take C-Section (instead of watermelon through a tube) for $5000, Alex.)
95. Seen the Alamo in person (Saw PeeWee Herman’s bike and the basement, too.)
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (Does wading out naked a quarter mile up to my calves count?)
97. Been involved in a lawsuit (No, but it’s not too late to sue Bush and his cronies for crimes against humanity.)
98. Owned a cell phone (Next evolution cycle, people will be born with them.)
99. Been stung by a bee (Why aren’t there interesting questions like, “have you ever pissed on an electric fence?”)

Worst of 2008

This is my third attempt at this post.  Maybe the third time now will be cathartic… here we go.

I know last year I massively linked to my own stuff – sue me, but I’m being lazy this year (as self-evident with the massive amounts of non-posting the last several months).  No, I won’t be boring you with a blow-by-blow, month-by-month recap.

Without further ado, and in no particular order, the following are some of the biggest trials and challenges and my own self-styled “Worst of 2008.”

- In January I was promoted to an interim director position where I had great successes, but where I was ultimately passed over for an inexperienced, pasty-white Mormon kiss-ass imbecile.  He told me he was Mormon because he divulged that even though I was gay he wanted to get along with me.  He took great pains to express how devout and heterosexual he was.  Did I mention that he thought I’d be training him?  Yeah – that was as likely to happen as me fucking his wife.  This incidence will also rank in the “Best of 2008″ because from this experience, in which I was supposed to suck it up and train the vile fuck-wad (because “no one gets a job handed to them” even if you’re in the job doing it…) yes, this incident motivated me to get my ass out of a toxic environment that I hated.  I still hate the place and hope they get their asses audited and heads to roll.  Yep – I’m feeling some catharsis.

- Through the spring I worked with an insane and dishonest woman.  I think the powers-that-be got a certain voyeuristic pleasure, watching me deal with this twat-monkey because the spineless fucks wouldn’t.  She’s still working there, even though I was told that she’d be gone (or maybe that was the dangling carrot in the hope that I’d stay).  The experience helped me appreciate conflict resolution in other settings.  I’m grateful for that twat-monkey that let me grow – that no matter how unpleasant, nasty, merciless and mean the people are that you may work with, they are still human somewhere in their little shriveled hearts.  I can thank her existence as an example of what not to become.

- Scholastically, I dropped the masters program and haven’t re-enrolled.  Part of me can’t wrap my mind around any more on my plate right now.  Part of me wonders at the need for the title or the program(s).  And the larger part of me is loving the time at home with Scott.

- When I changed jobs, I lost a lot of friends and acquaintances.  Of the dozen of co-workers that I used to hang out with socially, I’ve kept in contact with only a few.  I miss them and I have made efforts to keep in contact, but it’s kind of like putting a condom on a limp dick.  Why the hell put out any energy when they obviously have no interest?  This one will smart for a long time.  Letting go is not graceful or immediate, it’s a slow bleeding of care that turns into apathy and indifference.  Kind of like what I’ve been doing with my own blog.

- Physically, I had some challenges, the highlight being a testicular ultrasound by a female nurse.  Good times, had I been hetero.  The treatment plan for prostatitis was HIGHLY successful.  My knee, which has had issues since I was a wee lad, has been acting up again.  I have been doing more reiki and stretching to compensate – so far so good.

- I turned 40.  I noticed more grey in my beard and on my chest.  The kids in college could be my kids.  Thoughts of fathering a child grow more and more remote. I missed more weeks of going to the gym than going, though we did swim most days throughout the summer.  My six pack feels like a twelve pack. At least Midas was svelte, though if we don’t start walking him he’s gonna be a porker by February.

- I’ve had one hell of a time writing.  I did not finish the novel I started in November for National Novel Writing Month.  This isn’t writer’s block – it’s a blank slate with no motivation to fill it.  I’m working on the motivation and the feeling that when I have a blank notebook… I have nothing to say.  This is the winter of my writing where I wait for my own spring thaw.  I’ll occasionally entertain myself with anatomically correct snow men.

- Prop 8 was a kick in the balls.  I don’t mind Mormons, but Mormonism is pure evil.  I wish that fraud of a church into obscurity and irrelevance, but I do appreciate that they’ve given the LGBT community a very visible face to focus on, get organized, and stop waiting to be loved and accepted.  We will live and love individually, as couples, and as more and more visible communities.

- Did I mention that my blogging in 2008 really sucked?

Dark

For multiple reasons, I’m officially going dark until December 1st.  ((In Mormon language, that means I’ve turned into a Jewish Native-American sinner (Lamanite).))  ((Kidding.))  I’m going offline, for your health and mine.

It’s not that I don’t have things to say and share.  I’m acknowledging that I need and want a blogging break.  Unofficially, I may lurk and comment and even post – hell – I might even change my eternally fickle mind.  Obviously the last several months, I’ve had as much interest in blogging as going to a Republican wet t-shirt contest – heaven knows you’re not gonna see any balls or hefty cock at one of those!  But I digress.

Here are a few things on my proverbial plate I’d like to accomplish by the end of November:

• get married to Scott
• write 50,000 words through November for Nanowrimo
• start and finish an HR/Payroll coding/redesign/setup
• learn a scripting language
• break out the yarn and try knitting or crochet (again)
• start and finish a new stained glass piece
• take a short jaunt to Utahrd and drink (yeah – who the fuck goes to Utahrd to DRINK?)

Drop a line if you feel so inclined. Just because I’m not blogging does not mean I’ll be ignoring email.  (I am, and always have been, an email whore.)

Hugs and love.

-Don aka Sideon

Blog Viagra, anyone?

Quick, someone send me some blog viagra.  I’ve gone flaccid.  I was chatting with Cele and I admitted that I hadn’t had a blog boner in quite a while.  I’m afraid I haven’t been up (ahem) to the task.

What have I been doing?  I’m glad I asked, so in no particular order:

• So scattered I didn’t even do my own post for Talk Thursday.  Oops.  Don’t bother with the guilt routine, I’m immune unless it’s self-administered, and I’m fine with my decision.
• Second Life.  Virtual crack.  When there’s so much going on in your own life (and when you need a little distraction from blogging), you too can create whoever you want to be today.
• Work projects are progressing nicely.  I’m in project management mode, which means “Morale cheerleader.”  Stern but supportive taskmaster.  I’ve gone from data whore to data pimp.
• B-day party for one of Scott’s co-workers who lives in an amazing house in Alamo.  Million dollar views, movie-star driveway, circular stairs, wine-cellar, suit-of-armor, built in keginator off the kitchen, wrap-around decks, master bathroom with glass ceilings and walls.  Materialism envy rears its head.
• Spore.  More virtual crack, but on the cute side.  No animated penii or breasticles or simulated strippers like in Second Life.
• Working out.  I’m at the “is this worth it?” stage, but get re-motivated when I see myself naked.
• Airport run with Scott to pickup a friend.
• Naps.  Twenty minutes and I’m good.  Refreshed.  Almost pleasant even.
• Brunch at Katy’s Creek (California Benedicts are to die for!) with Mark and Rommel.
• Domestic disaster.  We’re getting new carpet in the master bedroom (long overdue) on Friday.  Being the prepared people that we are, we started moving furniture over the weekend.  Sunday, while Scott was in the shower, I tried to move the bed by myself – you know – just scooch it one side at a time.  I scooched it, all right…. and broke the leg of the headboard.  Scott heard my f-bomb while he was showering.
• Bed-frame and mattress shopping.  When you’re a domestic disaster and you break something, go shopping.  Word.
• Tonight I painted one wall and ran. out. of. paint. (Is it only men who think that paint and inches go farther than they think they do?)  Yes, yes, I’ll post pictures, once we’re done, but our deadline is by Thursday night because the carpet guys come and do a remove and replace on Friday.

Not Sharing

Besides the fact I haven’t been online because I was behind the Zion Curtain, and despite how I recovered from excessive vodka and vino (not at the same time, dearies, I’m occassionally not-smart but I’m not stupid)…  I haven’t felt like saying a whole lot.  Thoughts rumble around my mostly-empty head and I’m aware that I’m focusing on not focusing.  If this is serenity, I have to say I rather like chaos.  And sex and erotica and alcohol and dancing.  But I digress.

Here’s what I’ve not been sharing:

• New fave drink is carbonated water with ice.
• Working out, stretching and meditating… and slowly making progress.
• I’m likin’ the new template here.  The days of my black blog are over.
• Thank you to Christopher for the new headers (top of page).
• Scott and I are talking marriage before November.
  • No ceremony, no announcements, no presents, no photographers.
  • We already have rings.
  • We loved our 2005 commitment ceremony.
  • Neither of us want the other’s last name, but we may merge both and make one.
  • I would be completely fine with another honeymoon.
• I’m on book three of a young adult series, and book one of a new vampire series which I liked even though I thought the main character (who unfortunately survived) had as much empathy and compassion as Vlad the Impaler.
• Tarot and archetypes.  Its’ been ages since I did a reading, even though I took my stash with me (runes and two decks) to Utahrd.  Tarot of the Spirit, also affectionately known as the “Armageddon” deck.  Not for the faint of heart or heartless.  Helpful if one is familiar with Joseph Campbell and world mythologies.
• We hauled out the pool cover, which means summer is over.  If we’re lucky, we can use the cover and still be swimming through October, global warming permitting.
• With the turning of summer into fall, I have ample reason to pull out TLC’s Pussy Cap for our walks with Midas.  More on TLC when I can wrap some words around the wonder that he is.
• It’s a fellow blogger’s birthday tomorrow and I am completely unprepared.  I’d like to dedicate either a poem or a gorgeous hunk of a man to him.  Or offer to write him a short story.  Or send a care package of music, apricot butter, vodka, wine, or a big fuckin’ basket of all the above.  His choice.

That is all.

What’s on YOUR mind?

This and That

TLC posted some comments about blogging and how bloggers “gotta keep the masses entertained or the tiara will go flying from my head” and I instantly related.  The difficulty for me is the part that happens before the writing:  I want to write, I have things to say, but sometimes I can’t gather the oomph to put it out there.  I guess it’s kind of like being in the men’s room and getting pee shy at those damn trough urinals – performance anxiety.  I literally zip it up in both cases.  Understand, I’m not looking for feedback – I’m explaining my (completely) mental process that doesn’t translate into fingers on the keyboard for all ya’ll.

***

Blogging is/was/still is a way for me to connect with people from across the miles.  Most of my very dear friends live very far away.  I’ve met incredible people because of blogging, many because of the whole post-Mormonism thang, and also writers and artists.  I’ve seen bloggers come and go and my conversations with myself have often been something like “oh, but I wouldn’t stop blogging – I want to stay connected.”  Deep breath, darlings, but I’ve thought about not blogging.  I recognize that staying connected takes energy, but I recognize too that if all parties aren’t contributing, then resentment and apathy replace that connection.  I’m being sensitive and unreasonable and I’ll get over it.

***

I love the company I work for and I love my job.  My only concern is the feeling of uncertainty about the length of the contract.  I’d like to get back to school and take more classes, but if my job is a short-term thing, I’d feel guilty about taking classes instead of focusing on the next viable gig.  Longer contract equals more stability.  Shorter contract equals an increasing mindset to micromanage and hoard every penny.  On the other hand, I can basically go to school for free (except certain fees and books), so what the hell am I worrying about?  Can we start a “spank Don’s bare ass” line?

***

Today I did the elliptical at a fast clip and burned through a mile and 100+ calories in roughly 10 minutes – let’s just say I won’t be doing a marathon in this lifetime (no no no, HELL no).  I stretched and did abs, then worked on dips (three sets of 10) and pull-ups (three sets of 10).  I’ve lost a lot of strength from being a lazy bastard and not hitting the gym the past month – I used to do six sets apiece and was on my way to nine sets.  Scott had a meeting after work, so Midas and I hit the pool when I got home.  I swam some laps and also swam from wall to wall underwater, 20+ times.  I have to say, it would be completely boring if Midas wasn’t there to drop the ball on my head when I came up for air.  No soreness so far, which is good, because I’m doing weights tomorrow and more swimming.

***

We have been working on our new home website but we hate the photo options so far.  We may end up with a photo blog, which will allow folks to comment without the need to register on our domain.  I realize I’ve said we’re revamping our site months and months ago.  Patience.  It’ll happen before the next US President (Obama) is elected.

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Those are the current thoughts in my one brain cell.  What’s on your mind?