A few days ago, Arizona Awakening was in town on another business trip. Like the good gents that we are, we hosted him in one of the guest bedrooms. I’d forewarned AZ that if the weather was nice we’d be swimming so he’d better bring a swimsuit, but he said he was bringing something better and that he’d surprise me. When he told me, I thought he was jockin’ my strap but he was serious.
He got to our place in the afternoon, dressed to the 9’s in a nice business suit. He unpacked and changed to casual clothes so we could go to dinner (bad hosts that we were, we planned on going OUT instead of cooking – this time). Before we left, he brought out the surprise: a pair of garments from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I almost had a meltdown of spontaneous deviousness, but I maintained composure – I’ve been maintaining composure for DAYS now.
Understand, these are the first garments I’ve had in my very own possession. My foray into Mormonism lasted up until the age of twelve. My Jack Mormon parents wore them, so I grew up knowing what they were. It was in my latter twenties when I had my most extensive experiences with garments, but not wearing them – it was in the context of removing or helping a few returned missionaries (and at least one married man) that I dated (or outright “did”) remove their garments. In those moments the garments were just another layer of clothing before the prize of skin to skin.
I spoke with AZ on the phone. I don’t feel guilty in any way in having the garments. I don’t feel like I’m “stickin’ it” to Mormonism by posting my thoughts or a picture. What I’m getting at is that I’m not sure I have any feelings about the garments other than a mild curiosity. If Mormon underwear (and Mormon men) looked like THIS, then I’d be interested:
I know some guys have a thing for Mormon guys and garments. I’m sorry, but I don’t have that fetish. Besides, I already did my share of Mormon men. (Yawn.)
I hope that AZ is not disappointed. I thought I would post something scandalous and sacrilegious, like a picture of me holding the garments in front of my crotch. Yeah, the LDS church would love a picture of a radical, partnered, gay man holding their (I have a hard time saying I own them) sacred and magical underwear (with Masonic symbols) in front of his wonger. I admit it was a tempting image. But. No.
Not until I’m back to buff and svelte, anyway.
May 12, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Good post, your statement says more about you as a person than the other options you laid out. Glad you like them and you are right they are magical masonry undies.
May 13, 2008 at 8:20 am
LOL
May 13, 2008 at 8:37 am
So… just what do they look like? Are they boxers or briefs? Or are they one of those old-timey one-piece top AND bottoms? What color are they? What fabric are they? Do they chafe the skin so you’re always aware of them? Just curious.
May 13, 2008 at 8:55 am
Thank you for your restraint. While I don’t agree with Mormonism, I disagree with disgracing things that are sacred to them. Well accept JS, BY, and that bunch of lunies.
There are really people with Jesus Jammie fetishes? Oh that is too twisted.
May 13, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Having once been a temple-card-carrying folk which allowed me to wear the magic undies, I have to say they ain’t much to chat about and they made my ass-crack sweat incessantly. (Too much info?)
I had the wonderful opportunity of helping my first lover out of his garments after his mission and before either of us were married to separate people. *gasp* He is the only man – other than my father – who I saw in garments. He wore the cotton ones and when he stripped out of his clothes to the g’s, he looked like he was wearing a tight t-shirt and biker shorts. He opted for the t-shirt material and, frankly, looked damn HOT in them. Could be because they fit his well-toned physique like a latex glove and left nothing to my imagination. I do not have a fetish for the g’s, but he gave a whole new meaning to the unsexy articles of clothing.
Soooo… curiosity kills the cat, I know… but why, on earth, would you WANT a pair of g’s, Sid?
May 14, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I sooo loved this post.
May 14, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I just don’t know what to say. I only saw my dad in them, too. Mom said they were torturously hot in the summer. Hell yeah, it would be great if Mormon men and their underwear looked like pasted picture above! They should instate a physical activity ordinance and then, watch their numbers GROW!
May 18, 2008 at 7:17 pm
So you think Jesus Jammies are pretty weird, do you? Well, you are soooooooo right. I was also a templed Mormoon (that’s right, Mormoon) and wore those things for about 8 years. Yes, Jenniphur, they were really hot. I took them off permanently when you were about 5. (For those who don’t know, I’m Jenniphur’s momma.) I used to take them off during the summer hotness and live witht the dirty looks. We had no air conditioning and lived on the second floor of an old historic house. It was about 95 up there. Another version of hellfire.
I got them a few days before my first wedding during a temple ceremony call the Endowment. To be honest, that was the only part of the temple voodoo that made any sense, except for the JJ’s. Before the temple ladies dressed me in them, they gave me a blessing. It’s the same for everyone, but the markedly wonderful part of it is that the blessing is very pagan sounding. I don’t remember much of it anymore, but you can find it on the internet somewhere if anyone is curious. It was a deeply intimate and spiritual moment for me to receive a ritual annointing and a blessing from two other women. Even though the setting looked more like a locker room in the basement.
Ironic for me that the coolest part was in the most sterile and unlovely part of the temple. The rest of the ceremonies were in lavishly draped and appointed rooms with everyone in clothing from another planet taking blood oaths and shaking hands. It was one of the most truly incongruous things I’ve ever done. But that blessing stays with me as oddly special.
Would I ever go back for another blessing?
Holy Freakin’ Shit, NO.
Never. Not there.
May 18, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I have no idea what these garments look like.
But I doubt I would have any kind of fetish towards them. I think?
LOL
May 18, 2008 at 9:49 pm
AZ – Thank you for the sacred underwear. I’d say “holy”, but I haven’t checked the bottoms to see if they have a fly.
Cyn – Heh – it cracked me up, too.
Sir Rick – Kind of like Hanes t-shirt and boxer briefs, except extra stitching over nipple and navel and one of the leg hems. They are white. Cotton. I haven’t worn them and don’t intend to, but they ARE soft. I told AZ and Scott that we could use them to wash the cars
Cele – I’m not thanked for my restraint very often.
Ang – If you have pictures of your first lover, I’d be most obliged
Why would I want a pair of magical underwear? Easy – because I’ve never had them or owned them or worn them, and I like to cross things off my life list.
Runtu – Thank you. Great chatting with you the other day, btw.
Jenniphur – The marketing plan would be counter-productive. All the buff and gay gym bunnies wouldn’t be flocking to an organization that hates them. The Morg is in decline, and deservedly so.
Lynnski – I love how ceremonies tend to cross into the collective unconscious. Interesting that you noted the incongruities of a sacred moment in a locker room in a basement. Or, instead of it being incongruent, that it’s the day-to-day knowledge that love/god/energy are everywhere if we only look.
Shaney – I think a garment fetish has more to do with profaning the sacred than with the garments themselves. I could be wrong, though
May 19, 2008 at 2:47 am
I have to correct something about my poast. (That’s right, I meant to say that. Rhymes with toast). It wasn’t the endowment – that was the weird oathy-handshakey crap. It was the Initiatory that had the blessing.
I don’t know how to edit a comment. Can you edit comments?
May 19, 2008 at 2:59 am
Yeah, okay. So it’s late and I can’t sleep and I remembered something else. Once, long ago in that other life, I dreamed I bought some little bikini-style leopard spotted garments once at a Sears store in my hometown in Oregon. The actual store was ancient with old wooden floorss and very high ceilings. In my dream I took the cute version of g’s into a dressing room and while I was undressing the walls disappeared. With the walls gone, the scene changed to a large auditorium kinda like the big oval tabernacle in temple square with bench seating. I had an audience, but they were all dressed normally. It was freaky.
(Twightlight Zone theme – do do do do . . . do do do do)
May 21, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I never got to the temple either in order to wear garments. I think I’m very glad about that. Great post, Sid.